Army Wife = Jack of all Trades

My Mom always told me to find a guy who isn't "useless."  She considers a man "useless" if he can't screw in a light bulb, do simple household chores, and mow a lawn.  Needless to say my husband is a far cry from "useless" and he is very handy around the house, especially when it comes to fixing and installing electronics.  However, when my hubby is gone it doesn't matter how many things that he is great at because he isn't here to do any of them.  Not that this is his fault by any stretch of the imagination but when a soldier is deployed everything falls on the spouse.  This means that we can't just be skilled homemakers, cooks, cleaning ladies, chauffeurs (for those with children), accountants, and lovers (things which we master on a daily basis) but we also have to become carpenters, electricians, plumbers, and the one who takes out the trash.  (More on taking out the trash to come in a later post)  Since my husband has left I have decided to take on several DIY/home improvement projects.  Here are two projects that I am currently working on and one that I recently completed.

Project 1: ACU Book Bag
Status: Completed

Before hubby left he decided that several of his ACU uniforms needed to be retired.  Some were stained in places, others had rips and tears, and yet others had odd faded spots that his unit had deemed "unacceptable" even though they had only become that way through constant washing and wearing and not something he had done to them.  He was about to take these "rejects" out to the trashcan when I stopped him.  Yes, these uniforms had definitely seen better days and after three years as an active duty soldier it is no wonder that they needed replacing.  However, as someone who knows her way around a sewing machine I thought there may still be some life in them.  I asked him if it was legal to cut up the uniforms and re purpose them for something else.  The army has all sorts of rules about uniforms and things and I certainly didn't want to get myself or my soldier into trouble.  He looked at me like I was nuts and told me I could do whatever I wanted.  Excited I gladly took the rejected uniforms and stowed them away in our spare closet.  My first thought was to make a quilt with them.  These uniforms had served my husband well on his last deployment and I thought it would make a cool keepsake. 

After leaving my husband at the airport on deployment day I returned home and was determined to stay busy so that I would not be tempted to dwell on the fact that he was gone.  I dragged the retired uniforms out of the closet and began pulling them out of the bag that I had placed them in.  I won't lie, the first thing I did was to hold one up to my face and close my eyes imagining that I was snuggling up to my hubby but I forced myself out of my pity party and tried to decide how to start.  After a few minutes I decided that maybe the quilt project was just a little too ambitious for day one.   A few days earlier while my husband had been at a job fair I had googled ideas on what to do with recycled ACUs.  Most of the hits that came up were about purses or bags made out of ACU fabric.  This I could do.  This was a project that was both functional, meaningful and that I could complete in  few days versus the quilt project that would take much longer.  Using some blogs and photos from the Internet for inspiration I took apart one of the old uniforms and pieced it back together to fashion a book bag.  I added my own name tapes and a pink ribbon strap to make it feminine and even requisitioned the old zipper from the ACU shirt for the top of the bag and side pockets for the front (hard to see in the photo).  Below is the end result.  I have removed the name tape with my name on it to preserve my anonymity. I still want to make a quilt and have several more uniforms to work with but that will be a project for another day.

Project 2: Take Up Carpentry to Fix Handmade Baby Cradle
Status: Work in Progress

About ten days before deployment day hubby and I went to visit my parents and were given quite a bit of furniture.  They had just moved and downsized to a smaller home.  Unable to fit all of their furniture, they gave us some of the items that did not fit and we happy to have them.  One of the items that my parents gave us is a handmade baby cradle that my dad built for me when I was a baby.  Before I go any further let me clarify that my husband and I do not currently have any children, nor am I expecting but we would like to have children in the future.  Knowing that being in the army, the likelihood of us moving when  hubby returns is great, my parents decided to give us the cradle now since we live a drivable distance so that we would have it when we are ready for it.  I was excited to have the cradle but having been used by both my sister and myself and then been played with and stored for several years, it has seen better days.  My dad always told me that when the time was right he would fix the cradle back up so that my future children could use it however he is very busy.  Now that it is in my home and I have oh just a little extra time to spare, I thought this was a perfect time to take up carpentry.  The cradle has four wooden knobs that go on each corner and over the years two have disappeared to who knows where.  In addition my sister and I used to love to turn the knobs and we turned them so much that the screws eventually wore big holes in the wood loosening the tight seal around the screws and allowing the knobs to fall off.  There is also a minor crack in one side due to a series of nine state to state moves.  After several visits to our neighborhood Lowe's and conferring with my dad I have begun the cradle's restoration.  I found replacements for the missing knobs at Michael's and today I plugged the over sized screw holes with wood putty.  While waiting for the wood putty to set I began staining the wooden knobs to match the rest of the cradle.  They are currently drying so the project has been put on hold.  I will post an update soon with photos but I have to say so far I have learned a lot about wood working and am feeling very accomplished in my new skills.

Project 3: Home Decor
Status: In progress

Among the items my parents gave us are some framed photos, art, and home decor pieces.  Since hubby has left I have had a renewed desire to put up photos on the wall and to improve the decor of our home.  In the past I have made curtains for our house and engaged in other home decor related projects and now that I have more items to work with I am excited to add them.  My bathrooms feel especially drab and I am looking forward to livening them up.  More updates soon.

I can't claim to be an expert seamstress, carpenter, or home decorator but I do think that I can hold my own.  Army wives can't just sit around and wait for their husbands to get home and change the light bulb.  For most of us the thought to just wait for hubby to do it probably only briefly crosses our minds before we walk to the closet, get out the spare bulbs, and change out the old one ourselves before our husbands even realize that it had been burned out.  While they serve our country they can be confident that we are strong enough, tough enough, and determined enough to hold down the fort at home.  We may have to ask for help but I think you will find that we are quick learners.  We have to be!!  Have I mentioned that we are also amazing multitaskers?

"I Am Woman. Hear Me Roar."

The Bugs Know

I hate bugs... not just a little like normal people... I mean I really really can't stand them.  The problem is not only do I not like them but I don't like killing them either.  In the event that I do squish one the crunch of the body beneath my fingers makes me cringe.  I usually run for the fly swatter so at least I don't have to touch it.  I just want to stay as far away from them as humanly possible.  I have always been this way.  When I was little my mom and younger sister used to make fun of me for being afraid of a ladybugs in the house.  What can I say?  Bugs and I just don't get along well.  This said... my husband is our household's designated bug killer.  I only perform the task when absolutely necessary.  If he is home... he gets to do it.  Pest control also visits my house on a weekly-monthly basis depending on how bad the bugs are.  This had been working fairly well and we were only occasionally finding bugs in the house...that is until hubby left.

I swear the bugs knew the minute he left.  When I got home from the airport I suddenly found bugs everywhere.  I found a maggot looking thing stuck in a spiderweb by the couch, ants in the sink, and two big cockroaches in the garage.  Let me take this opportunity to mention that the area where I live grows bugs BIG.  In the town where I am originally from three inch long cockroaches are a thing of myth and horror.  Here however, you mention this to the pest guy and he laughs and says he has seen bigger.  No really.  I am not joking or exaggerating.  Since summer arrived giant cockroaches have sprung up everywhere much to my horror.  Not only are these nasty things giant in size but they are also very difficult to kill.  Hitting one multiple times with a fly swatter does virtually nothing and once my hubby even stepped on one in attempt to kill it only to watch it run off as soon as he lifted up his shoe. I cringe just thinking of it. 

I knew that I was going to have to step up to the plate and learn to take care of the bugs myself now that hubby was gone but I still didn't relish the task. I got out the fly swatter and the vacuum and resigned myself to the task.  That night I was feeling accomplished and pretty proud of myself for the way I had handled everything.  I was sitting on the couch watching TV when all of the sudden I heard the tell tale chirp of a cricket.  "Seriously?" I asked out loud, to no one in particular.  "You have got to be kidding." "I need you hubby, I hate bugs!"  <Sigh>  I knew I wasn't going to feel at ease again until I had killed the thing not only because it would continue to chirp but because I have an irrational fear that it will find me and crawl on me as I sleep.  I know it's crazy but what can I say?  I admit it's irrational.  So anyway, I get off the couch and begin looking for the cricket.  I finally spot him only to see him scamper under the TV where I can't reach him.  So what did I do?  Like a person possessed I sat on the couch watching TV, fly swatter in hand, until he finally came out and I could get him.  It only took an hour or so.  Time to bed? Slightly after 1am.  Bugs 0 - Army Wife X 1.  Mission Accomplished.

Call it another one of my weird "husband just left quirks" but I always have strange sleep patterns when hubby is gone.  I got into the habit of staying up to the small hours of the morning and sleeping in late.  A few days later I was baking cookies (one of my hobbies) at midnight.  Yes, midnight.  Don't ask me why.  I just felt like it.  Everything was going well.  The cookies were cooling on the counter and I was signing along with a song that I had playing on my computer.  As the song on my computer changed I decided I wanted a drink from the fridge.  As I crossed the hallway from the office where I was sitting to the kitchen I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks.  Even thinking about it now makes me cringe.  As I looked on one of the giant cockroaches, that I had until then only seen outside and in the garage, ran from the edge of my sink, and down the edge of my counter straight towards my cooling freshly baked cookies.  "OK. Don't freak out." I said to myself.  I ran to the other side of the kitchen to grab the fly swatter.  I hit the disgusting thing off of the counter and onto the floor.  "Whack! Whack!" I hit it twice with the swatter.  The roach ran under the stove.  "Shit!" Now what?  I knew I wasn't going to be able to go to bed now until I had done something.  But What?  I couldn't get it with the swatter under the stove and that hadn't worked anyway.  I also could not figure out how to move the stove.  So I did the only thing I could think of.  I ran to get the vacuum and a flashlight.  I put the longest attachment possible on the vacuum hose so I wouldn't have to get too close to the end and sat on the floor near the stove.  Crouching down I shone the flashlight under the stove trying to see the roach.  I finally thought I spotted him in the corner  between the stove and the cabinet.  I turned on the vacuum and stuck the narrow hose attachment under the stove.  After moving it around blindly for a minute or two I suddenly heard a "FWAMP" sound.   I immediately pulled the hose out and put the end to the floor to make sure that whatever I had sucked up ended up in the sealed vacuum bag where it would be unable to get out and would subsequently die.  After leaving the hose to the floor for at least a minute I shone the light back under the stove.  Nothing.  Satisfied that I had gotten the roach I put the vacuum away, vacuum head attached to ensure that it would not be able to crawl out, and put the cookies away.  My hubby should be proud.  I also vowed to call pest control again first thing the following morning.

Quirky "My Husband Just Left" Behaviors

It's been roughly two and a half weeks since I watched my hubby get on a plane, leaving me to stand and watch from the window as his plane pulled away from the gate and took off to carry him thousands of miles away from me.  I apologize if this sounds melodramatic; my inner novelist likes to escape.  The first week was tough and I found myself engaging in what I like to call quirky "my husband just left" behaviors.  I found myself staying up to all hours of the night just to avoid going to bed alone and waking up on my husband's side of the bed snuggling with his pillow.  I was avoiding making dinners that my husband really enjoys and even felt guilty watching TV shows that we normally watch together knowing that he wouldn't be able to watch them too. 

At the risk of sounding pathetic I will even admit to leaving his dirty laundry on the floor of our bedroom.  Normally, my husband leaves his clothes on the floor and I have to ask (sometimes repeatedly) for him to please put it into the basket in the laundry room.  Sometimes I end up picking them up myself.  As usual on deployment morning hubby left some dirty clothes on the floor by the bed.  However this time I couldn't bring myself to pick them up.  It was as if by leaving the clothes on the floor it seemed somehow possible that my hubby might eventually show up to put them away.  I also resisted taking his bath towel down from the rack to wash and put away.  It felt as though these small cleaning gestures were in fact erasing the evidence that my husband had ever been in our home.  Most of his clothes are missing and many of his things since he took them with him.  I felt like his dirty clothes and towels were all I had left.

Now, after two and a half weeks I can proudly say that I have finally picked the laundry up off the floor but I am still struggling with the feeling of "erasing evidence of my husband" in our home.  I am taking one day at a time and I know that it WILL get easier.

Not My First Time Around

Before I launch into the heart of my blog I should probably admit that this is not my first time around deployment block.  Last year my husband spent eight LONG months in Iraq before coming home to the states just a few months before our wedding.  No, I wasn't technically an army wife yet but for all intents and purposes I felt like one.  In fact, in some ways I felt like my struggle with his first deployment was made more difficult by the fact that I was not yet his wife.  I had no legal right to information about his location or his well being and I was geographically separated (due to the fact that I was living at home with my parents) from any support groups or fellow army spouses and girlfriends who understood what I was going through.  I felt isolated and very alone.  However, I thank God for a few friends who kept in touch by phone and email and for an extremely patient fiance who made time almost every single day to web chat with me and ease my fears as much as possible.  I also want to take this opportunity to thank the chaplain who was deployed with my husband as he facilitated pre-martial counseling over the phone from Iraq and paved the way to get my husband sent home in time for our wedding. 

I know that each lap around deployment block is a bit different from the last but in some ways I have at least a basic understanding of what to expect.  So far this deployment is different in the following ways:

1) This deployment is actually officially being considered a PCS by the army.  I won't disclose the location of my husband at this time (OPSEC) save that his is overseas in a foreign country.  However he is in a place where I would have PCSed with him had he been ordered there for a period of at least two years.  Since he was assigned there for less than that (though at least a year) I was unable to go with him.  From this point  on I will consider this a deployment since this is essentially what this tour has become.

2) This time, I was able to take my husband to the airport personally on deployment day instead of watching a big white army bus take him away.  This was easier in some ways as I got to spend a little more time with him personally and see him onto the plane (the airline let me sit with him at the gate) but harder in that our separation was much more public.  On his first deployment the only people privy to our tearful goodbye were others in the same boat, people too wrapped up in their own impending separations to judge ours.  This time, I garnered stars from others standing in the airport terminal as I tearfully hugged my hubby for the last time and watched him walk down the jetway to the plane.  Since he was not in uniform they probably thought I was some over sentimental girl saying goodbye to a boyfriend whom she would see soon. 

3) This time I am living on my own, in a beautiful house on an army post rather than with my family.  This gives me more freedom to experience my own life and to forge bonds with other army wives but also means that I am alone more often than not.  This also means that I am also in charge of running a household: ie making sure bills get paid on time, taking care of the house, ect.  Activities which my parents took care of in the past.

4) Even though I was geographically separated from my husband's unit, last deployment I was still contact and kept in the loop through his unit's FRG (family readiness group).  This time, there is no family readiness group which leaves me to wonder, god forbid how I would know if anything happened to my husband or how I would get information to him in an emergency.

I wouldn't consider myself a fragile woman who can't handle herself and falls apart at the drop of a hat.  In fact, I think that my ability to cope and my relationship with my husband has grown strong over three years of a long distance relationship.  However this is not to say in any shape or form that I do not have weak moments and low points where I melt down into a complete mess.  As I open myself up to you I ask that you not judge as it takes courage to admit weakness.

This is Me

I have officially been an Army Wife for just one year but I have been supporting my soldier and all that he is and does for much longer.  I have considered starting a blog several times but never followed through because I didn't know if anyone would really care what I had to say.  As I write this I have decided that this blog isn't just for others, although I have found others who can relate to much of what I will write here, but also for myself. 

I love being an Army Wife.  I love my soldier husband with all of my heart and I am incredibly proud of everything that he does and the country that he represents.  This is not to say that sometimes I hate the army and in turn being married to a soldier.  Army life comes with its own set of rules and expectations, pitfalls and hardships.  Although some days I long for the civilian life that my husband and I enjoyed together in college, at the end of the day I am still proud to stand by his side.  I don't think that my husband will be a soldier forever but this experience will stay with us long after he reclaims "civilian status."  I think part of me will always be an Army Wife.

As I find myself alone, with a husband deployed to a foreign country miles away from home, I find myself facing one of the hardest challenges an army wife faces, separation from my other half.  My intent through this blog is to explore the challenges of being the wife of a deployed soldier.  I won't claim that this blog will be exceptionally enlightening.  In fact I expect that many of my posts will be about mundane everyday things that to some may be meaningless and unimportant.  I likely will not even post daily.  But my hope is that some other army wives out there may read some of these posts and not feel so alone in what they may experience.  What I will promise is the following: This is me for better or for worse.