A few weeks ago I was at my friend May's house. She had two little girls staying with her for the weekend in addition to her own two boys because she had offered to watch them while the girls' parents attendend a marriage retreat. May had invited me over as another pair of dult eyes and for some adult conversation. As bedtime grew close the kids stalled trying to delay the end to their fun. May read them two bedtime stories and asked them if they wanted to pray. She offered each child a chance to pray on his or her own if they wanted to. I was curious to hear what the kids would pray for. I really wasn't sure what to expect but I thought they might say something along the lines of blessing their family members since that is what my parents did with me when I was young.
The oldest of the children began. I think she is only slightly older than Alex who is six but what came out of her mouth really touched me. " Dear God she began, please bless my mama and my papa and please watch over their (Alex and Spain) papa and please make sure that he comes home soon and safe. Pease give me good dreams not bad ones and..." My heart squeezed. Alex had told the girls earlier that his papa had just left on deployment. At six he understands a lot of what that means for him and his family and I think he has been feeling his dad's absence. I could not believe that this little girl had prayed for Alex's dad without any prompting. She had done it of her own volition and you could tell she meant every word. Alex prayed next and he too asked for the same things, micing the girl's prayer almost exactly.
In that moment I not only thanked God for the understand of Alex's friend and for the support she showed him but wished that Alex and his baby brother did not have to be in the position of missing their father at all. Deployment is hard on everyone but it breaks my heart to see a child missing a parent.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Fishy
If you read my previous post you know that my beta fish, Fishy, jumped out of his bowl last night. Although I rescued him and he seemed to be swimming around the bowl before I went to bed, he must have been been injured from being out of water too long. He passed away around 3:00pm today.
When I woke up this morning, I was dreading going into the living room to check on Fishy. I was afraid that I would find him dead in his bowl after what had happened last night. When I finally went to check on him I was greeted by the sight of him at the bottom of the bowl. This is not uncommon as he often likes to sleep on the bottom. However he did not come to the surface to eat when I sprinkled his food into the bowl. I knew this was not a good sign. He didn't seem his normal jewel blue color either but rather seemed to have taken on a grayish hue. He was still alive but I had a feeling that he was dying.
I tried to do whatever I could to make him comfortable. I didn't want him to suffer. I took the tulle off of the top of his bowl, little chance he would jump out now when he could barely move, and opened the shades so that the sun would warm his water. I watched him as I ate breakfast. He feebly tried to swim to the surface a couple of times but each time it seemed as if he had to expend an enormous effort to get to the top only to run out of energy and sink back down to the bottom, gills flapping laboriously as he struggled to breathe.
I felt awful but there wasn't anything else I could do. I decided that the best thing I could do was to let him be and let him rest. I checked on him every fifteen minutes or so as I did my household chores. After awhile he stopped trying to reach the top of the bowl. He just sat on the bottom slowly moving his front fins and trying to breathe.
An hour or so later he had moved from sitting on the bottom by the side of the bowl to laying on his side on the bottom. He was still alive but I didn't think he would be for much longer. He only had enough energy to move the one front fin on the side of his body facing upwards and his gills flapped open and closed very slowly. He was quiet but I knew he was struggling to breathe.
Around 3:00 when I checked on him again I noticed that his fin seemed to have stopped moving and his gills didn't seem to be opening either. I had a feeling that he had passed but I half hoped that he was just resting. He never moved again.
I hope he didn't suffer too much. I really enjoyed having him and although he wasn't a pet that I could cuddle, he was company that made me feel less alone with Hubby gone. Part of me is still in denial. I keep checking his lifeless form to see if he might just wake up and start swimming around the bowl. I know he won't.
Both Hubby and May told me that a year is a pretty good life for a walmart fish but I still feel sad. I know he was only a fish but he was still special to me. I still remember the day Hubby brought him home to surprise me like it was yesterday.
I want to bury him in the yard. I can't bring myself to flush him or throw him in the trash. I had to borrow a shovel from May but by the time I brought it home it was too dark to see. (All I had to dig with was a spoon.) I poured most of the water from the bowl into the sink. I poured Fishy's body and the remaining water into his cup. Just to prove to myself that he really was gone I poked his body with a straw. There was no reaction. Now I knew for sure he was gone. I put the lid on the cup and put the bowl in the sink.
I plan to bury Fishy in the morning when it is light again and I can see well enough to dig a small grave beneath one of our trees. I want to make sure that the grave is deep enough so that a feral cat won't be able to dig him up very easily.
I keep looking at the place where Fishy's bowl usually sits. I miss him already. I miss watching him swim around and the way he liked to watch me. I know it sounds dumb but I feel that much more alone. Now I really am completely alone here in the house. I caught myself looking at the cup on the counter a few times hoping that Fishy had come back to life.
Hubby said I could get a new fish and I suggested that maybe we could pick one out together at Christmas if he is able to come home. For now, I am just sad. But I know that Fishy is in fish heaven. Rest in peace Fishy. I loved you.
When I woke up this morning, I was dreading going into the living room to check on Fishy. I was afraid that I would find him dead in his bowl after what had happened last night. When I finally went to check on him I was greeted by the sight of him at the bottom of the bowl. This is not uncommon as he often likes to sleep on the bottom. However he did not come to the surface to eat when I sprinkled his food into the bowl. I knew this was not a good sign. He didn't seem his normal jewel blue color either but rather seemed to have taken on a grayish hue. He was still alive but I had a feeling that he was dying.
I tried to do whatever I could to make him comfortable. I didn't want him to suffer. I took the tulle off of the top of his bowl, little chance he would jump out now when he could barely move, and opened the shades so that the sun would warm his water. I watched him as I ate breakfast. He feebly tried to swim to the surface a couple of times but each time it seemed as if he had to expend an enormous effort to get to the top only to run out of energy and sink back down to the bottom, gills flapping laboriously as he struggled to breathe.
I felt awful but there wasn't anything else I could do. I decided that the best thing I could do was to let him be and let him rest. I checked on him every fifteen minutes or so as I did my household chores. After awhile he stopped trying to reach the top of the bowl. He just sat on the bottom slowly moving his front fins and trying to breathe.
An hour or so later he had moved from sitting on the bottom by the side of the bowl to laying on his side on the bottom. He was still alive but I didn't think he would be for much longer. He only had enough energy to move the one front fin on the side of his body facing upwards and his gills flapped open and closed very slowly. He was quiet but I knew he was struggling to breathe.
Around 3:00 when I checked on him again I noticed that his fin seemed to have stopped moving and his gills didn't seem to be opening either. I had a feeling that he had passed but I half hoped that he was just resting. He never moved again.
I hope he didn't suffer too much. I really enjoyed having him and although he wasn't a pet that I could cuddle, he was company that made me feel less alone with Hubby gone. Part of me is still in denial. I keep checking his lifeless form to see if he might just wake up and start swimming around the bowl. I know he won't.
Both Hubby and May told me that a year is a pretty good life for a walmart fish but I still feel sad. I know he was only a fish but he was still special to me. I still remember the day Hubby brought him home to surprise me like it was yesterday.
I want to bury him in the yard. I can't bring myself to flush him or throw him in the trash. I had to borrow a shovel from May but by the time I brought it home it was too dark to see. (All I had to dig with was a spoon.) I poured most of the water from the bowl into the sink. I poured Fishy's body and the remaining water into his cup. Just to prove to myself that he really was gone I poked his body with a straw. There was no reaction. Now I knew for sure he was gone. I put the lid on the cup and put the bowl in the sink.
I plan to bury Fishy in the morning when it is light again and I can see well enough to dig a small grave beneath one of our trees. I want to make sure that the grave is deep enough so that a feral cat won't be able to dig him up very easily.
I keep looking at the place where Fishy's bowl usually sits. I miss him already. I miss watching him swim around and the way he liked to watch me. I know it sounds dumb but I feel that much more alone. Now I really am completely alone here in the house. I caught myself looking at the cup on the counter a few times hoping that Fishy had come back to life.
Hubby said I could get a new fish and I suggested that maybe we could pick one out together at Christmas if he is able to come home. For now, I am just sad. But I know that Fishy is in fish heaven. Rest in peace Fishy. I loved you.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
My Neurotic Fish
Shortly after my husband and I moved into our house last year my husband suprised me by bringing home a beta fish. I was excited, although a fish is not a dog, and although he isn't very cuddly I have grown fond of our fish. When we first got him I started calling him Fishy. I know, not very creative, but I could never think of anything better and the name stuck. I am pretty anal in making sure that I care for Fishy. I feed him twice day and change his water once a week. I am also very careful to make sure that someone cares for him when I am out of town. However, Fishy has a terrible habit of jumping out of his bowl. Yes, that's right, he likes to jump OUT of the bowl. Only I would have a fish that doesn't stay in the bowl.
In the past he has jumped into the sink and onto the floor while I have been cleaning his bowl and he has been swimming in his cup. Luckily hubby was around to help me save him. Fishy has also ripped his own fins in the past too but that's another issue.
Anyways, when I was washing dishes tonight I decided that the bowl could use cleaning so I put Fishy into his cup as usual and washed his bowl. I left Fishy in his cup on the counter while I waited for his water to warm up. He freaks out if the new water is too cold. I do this every week. A couple of hours later I walked into the kitchen to put Fishy into his bowl only to discover that he was not in his cup.
WTF? I thought. Where is the fish????? I looked around eveywhere and finally spotted him laying on the counter. I have no idea how long he had been there. I quickly scopped him up and put him in the bowl. He seemed pretty dry and I thought he might be dead but after bout 5 seconds of floating in the bowl he sprang to life and starting swimming vigorously around the bowl.
He keeps varying between swimming like crazy around the bowl and laying on the bottom. I'm not sure if he is ok or not. I am paranoid that he will jump out again tonight because he is acting so crazy so I put a piece of tulle over the bowl with a rubber band. I am hoping that this will keep him in the bowl while still allowing him to breathe.
Who thought I would have to devise a way to keep a fish in water?? Only my fish and of course Hubby isn't hear to help :( Go Figure.
Here's hoping that Fishy is still alive and swimming in the morning :-/
In the past he has jumped into the sink and onto the floor while I have been cleaning his bowl and he has been swimming in his cup. Luckily hubby was around to help me save him. Fishy has also ripped his own fins in the past too but that's another issue.
Anyways, when I was washing dishes tonight I decided that the bowl could use cleaning so I put Fishy into his cup as usual and washed his bowl. I left Fishy in his cup on the counter while I waited for his water to warm up. He freaks out if the new water is too cold. I do this every week. A couple of hours later I walked into the kitchen to put Fishy into his bowl only to discover that he was not in his cup.
WTF? I thought. Where is the fish????? I looked around eveywhere and finally spotted him laying on the counter. I have no idea how long he had been there. I quickly scopped him up and put him in the bowl. He seemed pretty dry and I thought he might be dead but after bout 5 seconds of floating in the bowl he sprang to life and starting swimming vigorously around the bowl.
He keeps varying between swimming like crazy around the bowl and laying on the bottom. I'm not sure if he is ok or not. I am paranoid that he will jump out again tonight because he is acting so crazy so I put a piece of tulle over the bowl with a rubber band. I am hoping that this will keep him in the bowl while still allowing him to breathe.
Who thought I would have to devise a way to keep a fish in water?? Only my fish and of course Hubby isn't hear to help :( Go Figure.
Here's hoping that Fishy is still alive and swimming in the morning :-/
Fairy Tales
I just watched the season premier of ABC's Once Upon A Time. I think this is a show that I am really going to love. The season premier really grabbed me. I already love fairy tales to begin with. I have always loved them even as a child and now as an English major and English teacher.
In this new show, fairy tale characters have been trapped in the modern world by the evil queen and have had their memories wiped so they have no recollection of who they are. In steps the one woman who could be their salvation.
I am excited to watch again next week!
In this new show, fairy tale characters have been trapped in the modern world by the evil queen and have had their memories wiped so they have no recollection of who they are. In steps the one woman who could be their salvation.
I am excited to watch again next week!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Earthquake
Today I can proudly say that I survived my first earthquake. They are extremely rare in the state I live in but nonetheless we experienced a quake measuring 4.6 on the richter scale this morning around 7:30am. I was laying in my bed texting Hubby and waiting for a sub call. At first it felt like a cat had jumped on the bed. Before I was married I had a cat (who passed away a few weeks before my wedding) and she always slept on my bed. Sometimes when she jumped on the bed the force of her leap would shake it a bit. This is what the beginning of the earthquake felt like. However my cat wasn't here so and as I looked around the room I realized that the entire house seemed to be shaking. I wasn't too worried. Living on a military post this occasionally happens when an exceptionally large truck rolls by or when they pack a little too much gun powder into the cannon at 5:30pm. It seemed a little early for the trucks and the house seemed to shake more than usual.. after all my entire bed was shaking.. but I just chalked it up to something normal. The entire thing only lasted for a minute or two. Half an hour later I turned on the TV to find reports of the quake on the news. Who knew?! Not everyone felt it but I can say that I definitely did. Luckily it wasn't a big deal.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Dear Bank of America. You Make Me Want to Scream.
I HAVE HAD IT WITH BANK OF AMERICA.
I have tried REALLY tried to be patient but they have tested my patience beyond its breaking point. Warning: I am about to vent my frustration.
Shortly after my husband deployed in June I received a letter from my credit card company stating that they were being bought out by Bank of America (BOA). Until then I had never had any problems with my credit card company and really liked their customer service. Hubby and I choose to put him on my account and to cancel his credit card company when we married and joined accounts because I had had my card since 2006 and have a great credit limit. We had been happy with this choice up until I received this letter.
With hubby deployed, he uses/depends on this card quite a bit. In particular his Internet is charged to it every month and without Internet, our communication is diminished and he cannot work on his grad class work.
When I received the letter about the buy out in June I was not happy. I was worried about Hubby not having access to the new card. I immediately called up my credit card company and asked them about the buy out. I asked if my credit card number would be changing and they said no. They also told me that my hubby could continue to use the card he had even though I would be receiving a new one with the BOA logo since the actual account number was not changing. Reassured that everything would be fine, the issue floated to the back of my mind. I was not too worried. I had actually had a BOA bank account before we were married and only cancelled it when we opted to get a joint account with the more military friendly USAA instead. I decided that having a credit card with BOA would be fine.
In July I received another letter about the change over and call me paranoid but I wanted to confirm what I had been told the month before because I was still worried about Hubby and his card. This time when I called I was told that my card number was changing but that due to Hubby being deployed I could get special permission to keep my card number until he returned so that he would not be inconvenienced. After several minutes on the phone with a supervisor everything was arranged. Again I thought I had solved the problem before it became an issue.
August came and with it yet another letter notifying me of the change over. Seeing as the "story" had changed last time I decided to call again to verify that my card number still would not change. Again call me paranoid but as you will see... it turns out my intuition was justified. This time when I called I was informed that my number had to change. However, they were willing to send Hubby's card directly to him instead of sending both cards to me at our home address so that he would receive his card at the same time I would and so our card would have less chance of being compromised (I was advised that sending him his card myself would be less secure not to mention that it would take a while to go snail mail and there was a chance that the old card would become inactive before he received it). They were willing to send his card directly to him because his address is an APO which means that it would not cost them anything extra. They took down his address and confirmed everything before I hung up. The change over was set to happen at the beginning of September.
One day in early September I came home to work to find a BOA envelope in my mail box. I knew this was my new card but as I opened the envelope my stomach dropped and I was instantly filled with a feeling of unease as I saw that it contained not just my card, but a card with Hubby's name on it as well. Fearing that his card was sent to me I dialed the customer service number. As I held to speak to a representative I prayed that they had sent a second copy of his card to him and that sending one to me had just been an automatic thing? My fear was confirmed. Everything I had sought to prevent had happened. They had not sent a card to Hubby.
I explained the whole situation for the fourth time. I was informed that not only had they not sent Hubby his card but that but they "do not mail to APOs". I was irate. I demanded to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor claimed to have no record of my previous calls and blamed it all on my old company. After two hours on the phone the supervisor finally agreed to "expedite mail" my hubby his card and to "waive" the $25 fee as a "courtesy" to me. I was about to give him Hubby's address when suddenly he was like wait a minute... please hold. Annoyed I thought.... now what....several minutes later he came back on the line and said by any chance is this your husband's address? reading his address to me. I rolled my eyes. "Yes" I said. It is. Hmmmm now how could they have that information if as they claimed.. I had never called before? If.. as they claimed they had never agreed to mail to an APO... If as they claimed my other company never would have agreed to do that on their behalf. Idiots.
For the next week and a half I pestered Hubby incessantly to check his mailbox. Finally his card arrived. I called to active the new cards only to be informed that they could not be activated. I was put on hold for several minutes while a representative "looked into it." Believe it or not I was informed that the card had been compromised and that we would have to be issued new cards. I was speechless with disbelief. How could it be compromised if it has not even been activated yet? Turns out it had been compromised THAT MORNING by a glitch in the BOA computer system. Go Figure. High Five BOA.... High Five. NOT.
I informed BOA that they would have to send Hubby another card at no charge to us again and I was assured that they would do so and that the card that had been "compromised" could be used until Oct. 23rd and that we should continue to use it since our original card was now inactive. I also want to add that I was told that numerous things I had been told by the "supervisor" last time were in fact not true. Awesome. I informed Hubby of the status. He was going out to the field so we would have to wait until he got back for him to get his card. I wasn't too worried since we had two and a half weeks before the current card would be no good and Hubby was only going to be gone a few days.
The next day while I was at work I got a call from BOA asking me to call them back ASAP. I spent my lunch hour on the phone to them. They claimed they could not mail to an APO. Seriously? I explained to them the situation and how they had mailed to Hubby's APO just week before and literally explained to them how to do their own job. I never had time to eat.
Over the weekend Hubby and I both had issues using our cards. Today is only October 17th.... the card was supposed to be fine until the 23rd. Luckily his card had arrived and I called today to activate the new new card. After being on hold for 20 minutes I finally got to speak to a representative to informed me that I had to talk to authorizations. He transferred me and again I waited on hold. But I was disconnected after waiting 10 minutes. I called back and waited another 17 minutes to talk to another rep. When I finally got someone I explained that I had been disconnected and had been holding for quite a long time. This rep felt bad for me and said he would personally transfer me. I asked the authorizations rep why our card had not been working over the weekend. She claimed her system said that our card was fine until the 26th (yes 3 days past when I was told) and she had no reason for why it had been denied over the weekend. She activated our new cards and I hoped everything was over.
I logged onto my computer to set up my online BOA account. I like to be able to see the credit card balance and Hubby wanted to be able to see our points. I set up the account but was dismayed that it would only let me use my maiden name as a login and would only show my maiden name on the homepage. I assume this is because the system recognized me from when I used to be a BOA banking customer and had an account.
Reluctant to call again I noticed an online chat button. I clicked it and hoped I could resolve it all over the computer as I watched a favorite TV show. After waiting on hold for 10 minutes a rep finally typed back to me. I immediately told her that I wanted to update my name on my online banking account. She confirmed my request and began to take all of my information. After half an hour she confirmed that my card and account showed my married name but that my online account showed my maiden name. However, she then informed me that I had to call a 1 800 number to get it fixed. She could not do it. She claimed she could not fix anything with the online banking. When I asked her why she wasted my time and took all of my information when she could have told me first thing that she could not help me, she told me that I had a good point. She "apologized for the inconvenience." It took an additional 15 minutes on the phone to get this error fixed.
I am done. SO DONE. It is time to shop for a new credit card company. While we are at it I think it is time to find one that does not charge fees for Hubby's "foreign transactions."
I have tried REALLY tried to be patient but they have tested my patience beyond its breaking point. Warning: I am about to vent my frustration.
Shortly after my husband deployed in June I received a letter from my credit card company stating that they were being bought out by Bank of America (BOA). Until then I had never had any problems with my credit card company and really liked their customer service. Hubby and I choose to put him on my account and to cancel his credit card company when we married and joined accounts because I had had my card since 2006 and have a great credit limit. We had been happy with this choice up until I received this letter.
With hubby deployed, he uses/depends on this card quite a bit. In particular his Internet is charged to it every month and without Internet, our communication is diminished and he cannot work on his grad class work.
When I received the letter about the buy out in June I was not happy. I was worried about Hubby not having access to the new card. I immediately called up my credit card company and asked them about the buy out. I asked if my credit card number would be changing and they said no. They also told me that my hubby could continue to use the card he had even though I would be receiving a new one with the BOA logo since the actual account number was not changing. Reassured that everything would be fine, the issue floated to the back of my mind. I was not too worried. I had actually had a BOA bank account before we were married and only cancelled it when we opted to get a joint account with the more military friendly USAA instead. I decided that having a credit card with BOA would be fine.
In July I received another letter about the change over and call me paranoid but I wanted to confirm what I had been told the month before because I was still worried about Hubby and his card. This time when I called I was told that my card number was changing but that due to Hubby being deployed I could get special permission to keep my card number until he returned so that he would not be inconvenienced. After several minutes on the phone with a supervisor everything was arranged. Again I thought I had solved the problem before it became an issue.
August came and with it yet another letter notifying me of the change over. Seeing as the "story" had changed last time I decided to call again to verify that my card number still would not change. Again call me paranoid but as you will see... it turns out my intuition was justified. This time when I called I was informed that my number had to change. However, they were willing to send Hubby's card directly to him instead of sending both cards to me at our home address so that he would receive his card at the same time I would and so our card would have less chance of being compromised (I was advised that sending him his card myself would be less secure not to mention that it would take a while to go snail mail and there was a chance that the old card would become inactive before he received it). They were willing to send his card directly to him because his address is an APO which means that it would not cost them anything extra. They took down his address and confirmed everything before I hung up. The change over was set to happen at the beginning of September.
One day in early September I came home to work to find a BOA envelope in my mail box. I knew this was my new card but as I opened the envelope my stomach dropped and I was instantly filled with a feeling of unease as I saw that it contained not just my card, but a card with Hubby's name on it as well. Fearing that his card was sent to me I dialed the customer service number. As I held to speak to a representative I prayed that they had sent a second copy of his card to him and that sending one to me had just been an automatic thing? My fear was confirmed. Everything I had sought to prevent had happened. They had not sent a card to Hubby.
I explained the whole situation for the fourth time. I was informed that not only had they not sent Hubby his card but that but they "do not mail to APOs". I was irate. I demanded to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor claimed to have no record of my previous calls and blamed it all on my old company. After two hours on the phone the supervisor finally agreed to "expedite mail" my hubby his card and to "waive" the $25 fee as a "courtesy" to me. I was about to give him Hubby's address when suddenly he was like wait a minute... please hold. Annoyed I thought.... now what....several minutes later he came back on the line and said by any chance is this your husband's address? reading his address to me. I rolled my eyes. "Yes" I said. It is. Hmmmm now how could they have that information if as they claimed.. I had never called before? If.. as they claimed they had never agreed to mail to an APO... If as they claimed my other company never would have agreed to do that on their behalf. Idiots.
For the next week and a half I pestered Hubby incessantly to check his mailbox. Finally his card arrived. I called to active the new cards only to be informed that they could not be activated. I was put on hold for several minutes while a representative "looked into it." Believe it or not I was informed that the card had been compromised and that we would have to be issued new cards. I was speechless with disbelief. How could it be compromised if it has not even been activated yet? Turns out it had been compromised THAT MORNING by a glitch in the BOA computer system. Go Figure. High Five BOA.... High Five. NOT.
I informed BOA that they would have to send Hubby another card at no charge to us again and I was assured that they would do so and that the card that had been "compromised" could be used until Oct. 23rd and that we should continue to use it since our original card was now inactive. I also want to add that I was told that numerous things I had been told by the "supervisor" last time were in fact not true. Awesome. I informed Hubby of the status. He was going out to the field so we would have to wait until he got back for him to get his card. I wasn't too worried since we had two and a half weeks before the current card would be no good and Hubby was only going to be gone a few days.
The next day while I was at work I got a call from BOA asking me to call them back ASAP. I spent my lunch hour on the phone to them. They claimed they could not mail to an APO. Seriously? I explained to them the situation and how they had mailed to Hubby's APO just week before and literally explained to them how to do their own job. I never had time to eat.
Over the weekend Hubby and I both had issues using our cards. Today is only October 17th.... the card was supposed to be fine until the 23rd. Luckily his card had arrived and I called today to activate the new new card. After being on hold for 20 minutes I finally got to speak to a representative to informed me that I had to talk to authorizations. He transferred me and again I waited on hold. But I was disconnected after waiting 10 minutes. I called back and waited another 17 minutes to talk to another rep. When I finally got someone I explained that I had been disconnected and had been holding for quite a long time. This rep felt bad for me and said he would personally transfer me. I asked the authorizations rep why our card had not been working over the weekend. She claimed her system said that our card was fine until the 26th (yes 3 days past when I was told) and she had no reason for why it had been denied over the weekend. She activated our new cards and I hoped everything was over.
I logged onto my computer to set up my online BOA account. I like to be able to see the credit card balance and Hubby wanted to be able to see our points. I set up the account but was dismayed that it would only let me use my maiden name as a login and would only show my maiden name on the homepage. I assume this is because the system recognized me from when I used to be a BOA banking customer and had an account.
Reluctant to call again I noticed an online chat button. I clicked it and hoped I could resolve it all over the computer as I watched a favorite TV show. After waiting on hold for 10 minutes a rep finally typed back to me. I immediately told her that I wanted to update my name on my online banking account. She confirmed my request and began to take all of my information. After half an hour she confirmed that my card and account showed my married name but that my online account showed my maiden name. However, she then informed me that I had to call a 1 800 number to get it fixed. She could not do it. She claimed she could not fix anything with the online banking. When I asked her why she wasted my time and took all of my information when she could have told me first thing that she could not help me, she told me that I had a good point. She "apologized for the inconvenience." It took an additional 15 minutes on the phone to get this error fixed.
I am done. SO DONE. It is time to shop for a new credit card company. While we are at it I think it is time to find one that does not charge fees for Hubby's "foreign transactions."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Book Review of The Unforgiving Minute: A Soldier's Education
A few days ago I finished listening to the audio version of The Unforgiving Minute: A Soldier's Education by: Craig M. Mullaney. I highly recommend picking up a copy of the book or audio version. It was not a light fluffy kind of read but I really enjoyed it. It is the true story of Mullaney's own life and expiriences as a platoon leader in Afganistan. He chronicals his education as a soldier from his college exprience at West Point through his deployment to Afganistan but he doesn't just foucs on the military aspect. He is very real and personal in his writing and openly discusses personal relationships, family crisis, and his feelings about how his job as a soldier and his religion as a christian seem at times at odds with each other. Parts of the story were not easy to listen to but I have to admit that I laughed out loud, smiled, and ultimately teared up with Mullaney as he told his story. This is not a book promoting or not promoting the military but rather a personal account from someone who could be you or I. This is a man who I can see changing lives for the better. I hope that wherever he is today he is well and happy. Pick up his book. It definitely made me see things in a different light.
Life Changing With The Seasons
Fall has arrived.
In some ways I am thankful for the cooler days (although in my neck of the woods fall weather means 80 degrees instead of 100 in comparison to the east coast where I am originally from where fall weather means 60's) but, I always dread the end of summer. Summer is my favorite season. Life is in full swing, life is blooming, and the opportunity for fun seems right around the corner. Fall has always to me symbolized the beginning of the end. It hearkens the coming of winter and the death of all things until spring again. Yes, I know, everything comes back to life in the spring and winter here isn't even very cold but still, winter to me is not something that I look forward to.
Coinciding with the arrival of fall is the departure of my husband's former unit as they deploy to the middle east. This means that not only are the husbands of a few very good friends leaving but I am also losing Ellie, the good friend and army chaplain that I had the pleasure of meeting this summer. She has been a blessing in the past few months and although I know that I am not "losing" her permanently, I am still feeling sadness about her impending departure. I m thankful for the time that we did have together but it seems only appropriate for this to happen in the fall season when things seem to be changing along with the leaves.
Please say a prayer for Ellie as she faces new challenges and for the soldiers who will accompany her on this new mission. God Bless them all and keep them safe from any harm. May the time pass quickly and may the friends and family left behind find friendship and support in each other. It has been four months since my own husband left and I still feel lost without him but I am taking one day at a time and know that these spouses too will survive the separation.
Ellie has created a blog where she plans to post sermons that she delivers while deployed and where she plans to share some of her experiences. Check her out at http://melbaars.blogspot.com/ I hope she touches and inspires your life in the same ways that she has mine.
In some ways I am thankful for the cooler days (although in my neck of the woods fall weather means 80 degrees instead of 100 in comparison to the east coast where I am originally from where fall weather means 60's) but, I always dread the end of summer. Summer is my favorite season. Life is in full swing, life is blooming, and the opportunity for fun seems right around the corner. Fall has always to me symbolized the beginning of the end. It hearkens the coming of winter and the death of all things until spring again. Yes, I know, everything comes back to life in the spring and winter here isn't even very cold but still, winter to me is not something that I look forward to.
Coinciding with the arrival of fall is the departure of my husband's former unit as they deploy to the middle east. This means that not only are the husbands of a few very good friends leaving but I am also losing Ellie, the good friend and army chaplain that I had the pleasure of meeting this summer. She has been a blessing in the past few months and although I know that I am not "losing" her permanently, I am still feeling sadness about her impending departure. I m thankful for the time that we did have together but it seems only appropriate for this to happen in the fall season when things seem to be changing along with the leaves.
Please say a prayer for Ellie as she faces new challenges and for the soldiers who will accompany her on this new mission. God Bless them all and keep them safe from any harm. May the time pass quickly and may the friends and family left behind find friendship and support in each other. It has been four months since my own husband left and I still feel lost without him but I am taking one day at a time and know that these spouses too will survive the separation.
Ellie has created a blog where she plans to post sermons that she delivers while deployed and where she plans to share some of her experiences. Check her out at http://melbaars.blogspot.com/ I hope she touches and inspires your life in the same ways that she has mine.
Friday, September 30, 2011
My Amazing Little Sister
I have been thinking a lot about my sister. She is four and a half years younger than me but in the past couple of years she has become more than just a sibling. She is one of my very best friends. I remember when my parents first brought her home. I was so excited because it was like having my own personal live doll! As the years went by she was my favorite playmate. We played barbies for hours. When I was in elementary school she became my shadow. Everything was "me too!" and I was annoyed because I wanted to be different. I didn't want her to be just like me but looking back I am flattered that she wanted to be just like me. I hope I was an OK role model for her. I have tried to look out for her over the years and I hope she knows that.
I am so proud of the woman that she has become. She is smart and confident in ways that I never was. There have even been times when I admit I have been jealous of her. She has always been popular with boys and she has always had tons of friends, two things which I sometimes struggled with. Now she is in college and studying to be a social worker. I admire her.
Recently, she told me that she hopes that I am living somewhere close to her when I have children because she wants to be able to come and visit me often and she wants to be a great aunt. This really touched me. I feel really lucky to have her. Here's to you little sister! I love you and miss you very much! I can't wait for you to visit!
I am so proud of the woman that she has become. She is smart and confident in ways that I never was. There have even been times when I admit I have been jealous of her. She has always been popular with boys and she has always had tons of friends, two things which I sometimes struggled with. Now she is in college and studying to be a social worker. I admire her.
Recently, she told me that she hopes that I am living somewhere close to her when I have children because she wants to be able to come and visit me often and she wants to be a great aunt. This really touched me. I feel really lucky to have her. Here's to you little sister! I love you and miss you very much! I can't wait for you to visit!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Cradle Restoration
For those that follow my blog, you may recall that one of the projects that I embarked on when my husband left was the restoration of a cradle that my father had built for me when I was born. Let me reiterate that NO, I am not expecting a baby now or anytime very soon, but my father gave me the cradle since I DO plan to have children sometime in the future and I figured that now was a good time to go about fixing it since a) I have the time and b) I don't need it just yet so there is no pressure to get it done so I can take my time.
Since the cradle was built, twenty-five years ago, I have to admit that it has taken a lot of abuse from my younger sister and I. I don't mean the few months that we each slept in it but rather the years after when we played with it and pounded on it as we played with our dolls and stuffed animals. Still, it is a beautiful piece, in my opinion, and it holds a special place in my heart because my father actually built it. How many people can say that?
When I brought it to my house back in May, it wasn't in terrible shape but it needed some love. It was missing two of the four knobs that once adorned the four corners and had a few cracks in the wood. The mattress is still in great shape. After all my sister and I only slept on it for a couple of months a piece and it looks almost new. I figured all it needed was a bit of time and elbow grease (figuratively speaking) to fix it up.
When Hubby left in June I set about starting the project. It was a project that I was very interested in and it kept my mind off Hubby's absence, at least for couple of hours a day. The first step of the project was to find some replacement knobs for the two that had over the years and several moves (this thing endured not just the abuse of two small children but also seven moves) had somehow disappeared. I feel like the fact that it survived so much says something about my Dad's workmanship. Kudos to you Dad! While showing its age, this is a fairly sturdy piece!.
I wasn't expecting it to be difficult to find replacement knobs. Think again. The hardware stores only carried drawer knobs which were much to small or finials which were all pointy (way dangerous for a baby.) I was slightly discouraged but a kindly employee at one of the hardware stores suggested trying a craft store. I struck out at the first one but hit pay dirt at the second. They didn't have the perfectly round wooden balls that my dad had used but they did have what they were calling "wooden doll heads." These "doll heads" were almost round but had a flat edge on the bottom and already had a hole drilled in for a screw. They also happened to be the right size. OK, so they were not entirely round but after talking to my dad he said that he recommended replacing all four knobs anyway so they would all perfectly match and he said that the flat side would actually make it easier to put them on the cradle. It was a bonus that I would not have to drill a hole into each one. I had found what I thought would be the perfect solution! I bought four and drove home feeling triumphant.
Since my new knobs were "naked" my next step was to find a stain that matched the existing stain that my dad had used on the body of the cradle. For this I enlisted my father's help since he would have a clue as to what wood and color he had originally used. After a brief trip to Lowe's I came back armed with a small can of Minwax stain, a small can of Minwax polyurethane varnish (to seal the stain and give the wood a shine), and a few foam brushes to apply both products, and some sandpaper. My dad was kind enough to give me a metal tool called a "key" to open the cans.
It took me a week to stain and apply polyurethane to the knobs. It was a long process since I had to wait 8-12 hours between coats of stain. I went back to Lowe's and picked up some wood putty (I'll get to this in a minute) and some double ended screws to attach the knobs. I then proceeded to attach each freshly stained knob to a screw.
Unfortunately I could not screw the knobs onto the cradle yet. When my sister and I were little one of the things that we liked to do was to turn the knobs over and over. The result was that the original holes in the cradle had been widened so much that two were the width of a finger. Obviously this was much to big for the new screw. This is where the wood putty came in. I pressed putty into each of the four holes to seal them up so that I could create new tighter holes for the new knobs. This process again took a week or so because I had to wait for the putty to harden and in some cases I had to fill the holes up a second time because the putty shrank as it dried. I also took the opportunity to repair a crack in the wood that I had noticed on one of the side panels. This was a battle scar from one of the moves but after the wood putty it was as good as new.
The next step was to give the body of the cradle a fresh coat of varnish. I sanded the cradle down first and applied a few coats of stain and varnish. Then all I had to do was screw on the new knobs and it looked great!
At this point I could have been finished but I decided that I wanted to get a sheet to cover the mattress. The mattress has cute little pictures on it but I wanted a sheet so that the cradle would be immediately usable whenever the time came. You would think that this would be a simple matter of going to Target or Babies R Us but apparently cradles are no longer popular. Bassinet sheets and crib sheets can be found almost anywhere but try to find a cradle sheet and you are out of luck. Bummer. I did find a few on Amazon but they were a minimum of $20 a piece for one fitted sheet and the fabrics seemed cheap. Fortunately, I am competent with the use of a sewing machine. I decided that I could probably make one. How hard could it be?
I went to Walmart and bought a simple blue cotton twin flat sheet for $4 and some elastic. (I think blue is pretty for a boy or a girl and it matches the blankets I had as a baby which my mom gave me.) This was cheaper than buying fabric from Joann's and the fabric was thicker and well perfect for a sheet since that was what it was for.
At this point, I stopped the project for several weeks. I was a little intimidated by my sheet project and put it off. This week when I embarked on my sewing spree I felt ambitious enough to pick it back up. After reading a few tutorials online (thanks fellow bloggers!) from moms who had made their own crib sheets I felt confident enough to scale down their directions and make my cradle sheet. To make a long story short I was able to make two double thickness fitted cradle sheets from the one twin sheet. I wanted them double thickness so that they would be more absorbent and also so that the pattern on the mattress would not show through the sheet. By following one of the online tutorials I was even able to make french seams on the corners so that the raw edges would never fray and the two sheets fit perfectly! I have to admit, I am a little impressed with how they turned out. In fact, I think they seem better quality than some of the crib sheets that I saw in Target. Not to mention, that I made both sheets for under $6. You can't beat that price! If anyone wants more information on how I made the sheet (if you want to make your own) let me know. I would be happy to give more details but I didn't want to bore anyone!
My cradle restoration is finally done and I am very happy with how it has turned out. The cradle is beautiful and the sheet adds that final finishing touch. My favorite feature of the cradle is the way that it gently rocks side to side. Looking at it I can picture myself laying a baby in it one day and being proud to tell my future child one day that his or her grandfather made the cradle that he or she slept in.
Since the cradle was built, twenty-five years ago, I have to admit that it has taken a lot of abuse from my younger sister and I. I don't mean the few months that we each slept in it but rather the years after when we played with it and pounded on it as we played with our dolls and stuffed animals. Still, it is a beautiful piece, in my opinion, and it holds a special place in my heart because my father actually built it. How many people can say that?
When I brought it to my house back in May, it wasn't in terrible shape but it needed some love. It was missing two of the four knobs that once adorned the four corners and had a few cracks in the wood. The mattress is still in great shape. After all my sister and I only slept on it for a couple of months a piece and it looks almost new. I figured all it needed was a bit of time and elbow grease (figuratively speaking) to fix it up.
When Hubby left in June I set about starting the project. It was a project that I was very interested in and it kept my mind off Hubby's absence, at least for couple of hours a day. The first step of the project was to find some replacement knobs for the two that had over the years and several moves (this thing endured not just the abuse of two small children but also seven moves) had somehow disappeared. I feel like the fact that it survived so much says something about my Dad's workmanship. Kudos to you Dad! While showing its age, this is a fairly sturdy piece!.
I wasn't expecting it to be difficult to find replacement knobs. Think again. The hardware stores only carried drawer knobs which were much to small or finials which were all pointy (way dangerous for a baby.) I was slightly discouraged but a kindly employee at one of the hardware stores suggested trying a craft store. I struck out at the first one but hit pay dirt at the second. They didn't have the perfectly round wooden balls that my dad had used but they did have what they were calling "wooden doll heads." These "doll heads" were almost round but had a flat edge on the bottom and already had a hole drilled in for a screw. They also happened to be the right size. OK, so they were not entirely round but after talking to my dad he said that he recommended replacing all four knobs anyway so they would all perfectly match and he said that the flat side would actually make it easier to put them on the cradle. It was a bonus that I would not have to drill a hole into each one. I had found what I thought would be the perfect solution! I bought four and drove home feeling triumphant.
Since my new knobs were "naked" my next step was to find a stain that matched the existing stain that my dad had used on the body of the cradle. For this I enlisted my father's help since he would have a clue as to what wood and color he had originally used. After a brief trip to Lowe's I came back armed with a small can of Minwax stain, a small can of Minwax polyurethane varnish (to seal the stain and give the wood a shine), and a few foam brushes to apply both products, and some sandpaper. My dad was kind enough to give me a metal tool called a "key" to open the cans.
It took me a week to stain and apply polyurethane to the knobs. It was a long process since I had to wait 8-12 hours between coats of stain. I went back to Lowe's and picked up some wood putty (I'll get to this in a minute) and some double ended screws to attach the knobs. I then proceeded to attach each freshly stained knob to a screw.
Unfortunately I could not screw the knobs onto the cradle yet. When my sister and I were little one of the things that we liked to do was to turn the knobs over and over. The result was that the original holes in the cradle had been widened so much that two were the width of a finger. Obviously this was much to big for the new screw. This is where the wood putty came in. I pressed putty into each of the four holes to seal them up so that I could create new tighter holes for the new knobs. This process again took a week or so because I had to wait for the putty to harden and in some cases I had to fill the holes up a second time because the putty shrank as it dried. I also took the opportunity to repair a crack in the wood that I had noticed on one of the side panels. This was a battle scar from one of the moves but after the wood putty it was as good as new.
The next step was to give the body of the cradle a fresh coat of varnish. I sanded the cradle down first and applied a few coats of stain and varnish. Then all I had to do was screw on the new knobs and it looked great!
At this point I could have been finished but I decided that I wanted to get a sheet to cover the mattress. The mattress has cute little pictures on it but I wanted a sheet so that the cradle would be immediately usable whenever the time came. You would think that this would be a simple matter of going to Target or Babies R Us but apparently cradles are no longer popular. Bassinet sheets and crib sheets can be found almost anywhere but try to find a cradle sheet and you are out of luck. Bummer. I did find a few on Amazon but they were a minimum of $20 a piece for one fitted sheet and the fabrics seemed cheap. Fortunately, I am competent with the use of a sewing machine. I decided that I could probably make one. How hard could it be?
I went to Walmart and bought a simple blue cotton twin flat sheet for $4 and some elastic. (I think blue is pretty for a boy or a girl and it matches the blankets I had as a baby which my mom gave me.) This was cheaper than buying fabric from Joann's and the fabric was thicker and well perfect for a sheet since that was what it was for.
At this point, I stopped the project for several weeks. I was a little intimidated by my sheet project and put it off. This week when I embarked on my sewing spree I felt ambitious enough to pick it back up. After reading a few tutorials online (thanks fellow bloggers!) from moms who had made their own crib sheets I felt confident enough to scale down their directions and make my cradle sheet. To make a long story short I was able to make two double thickness fitted cradle sheets from the one twin sheet. I wanted them double thickness so that they would be more absorbent and also so that the pattern on the mattress would not show through the sheet. By following one of the online tutorials I was even able to make french seams on the corners so that the raw edges would never fray and the two sheets fit perfectly! I have to admit, I am a little impressed with how they turned out. In fact, I think they seem better quality than some of the crib sheets that I saw in Target. Not to mention, that I made both sheets for under $6. You can't beat that price! If anyone wants more information on how I made the sheet (if you want to make your own) let me know. I would be happy to give more details but I didn't want to bore anyone!
My cradle restoration is finally done and I am very happy with how it has turned out. The cradle is beautiful and the sheet adds that final finishing touch. My favorite feature of the cradle is the way that it gently rocks side to side. Looking at it I can picture myself laying a baby in it one day and being proud to tell my future child one day that his or her grandfather made the cradle that he or she slept in.
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| Bottom of my cradle sheet |
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| Fitted cradle sheet corner |
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| Finished Product :) |
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sewing Spree
In the past week I have suddenly been on a sewing kick. For some reason it seems like my desire to be crafty comes and goes in spurts. In any case, inspiration to do some sewing projects hit last week and I went to the closet and dragged out the sewing machine. I wanted to make some aprons. You may think I am nuts but I only had one and I use it all the time. I bake a lot and also like to make meat sauce for spaghetti. Tomato sauce have a tendency to splatter and stain your clothes and being able to wipe my hands on an apron helps me use fewer dishtowels when I am baking. I had looked at Target and Walmart for an apron that I could buy but the ones I found were either hideously ugly or so thin that I felt like they were useless. After searching online I finally found one that looked like it had potential but when I saw the $30 sticker price I thought... yeah right!... $30 for an apron that I could probably make myself? Then it dawned on me. I could make one myself! So I visited Joann's and bought some supplies and set about my projects. I decided to make two aprons. I wanted one full length one and a second one that would be one that just went around my waist. It took me about two days to make each one. Not because they were particularly difficult, but because I didn't spend all day working on them. I have to admit that I am pretty happy with the results. Next time I will probably makes a few adjustments to my pattern but all in all I think they came out well :) Can't wait to try them out!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
September 11th
Ten years ago today the events of 9/11/2001 took place. I was just a sophomore in high school and at the time I never could have imagined how the events that day would shape and change my life, and the lives of everyone in our country, forever.
On that day I never imagined that today I would be married to a soldier. A soldier who has been deployed to Iraq as a direct result of the events that took place on 9/11. A soldier who is now gone again serving our country and whose friends are about to embark on a deployment to Afghanistan.
For me, the impact of 9/11/2001 goes far beyond tightened airport security. I can't help but wonder all of the ways that my life would have been different if 9/11 had never taken place. Hubby still probably would have joined the military but would he have been deployed? Would we have gotten married sooner? Would Americans still believe that we are invincible? Would we have a different president? Would our economy be different? Certainly many lives would have been saved.
However, I would like to believe that something good has come out of all of this. I would like to believe that as Americans we have a renewed appreciation of the place that we live in. I would like to believe that we have positively impacted the lives of many children and innocent people in Iraq and Afghanistan, giving them opportunities they never would have had under Taliban control. I would like to believe that the American people appreciate our military for what they give up to protect our nation, whether they agree with the war or not.
Obviously it would be naive of me to believe that everyone believes each of the above sentiments but it is my hope that a few have and that we will become better people growing out of the ashes of tragedy. After all from the ashes arises the Phoenix with a glimmer of hope that can never be extinguished.
On that day I never imagined that today I would be married to a soldier. A soldier who has been deployed to Iraq as a direct result of the events that took place on 9/11. A soldier who is now gone again serving our country and whose friends are about to embark on a deployment to Afghanistan.
For me, the impact of 9/11/2001 goes far beyond tightened airport security. I can't help but wonder all of the ways that my life would have been different if 9/11 had never taken place. Hubby still probably would have joined the military but would he have been deployed? Would we have gotten married sooner? Would Americans still believe that we are invincible? Would we have a different president? Would our economy be different? Certainly many lives would have been saved.
However, I would like to believe that something good has come out of all of this. I would like to believe that as Americans we have a renewed appreciation of the place that we live in. I would like to believe that we have positively impacted the lives of many children and innocent people in Iraq and Afghanistan, giving them opportunities they never would have had under Taliban control. I would like to believe that the American people appreciate our military for what they give up to protect our nation, whether they agree with the war or not.
Obviously it would be naive of me to believe that everyone believes each of the above sentiments but it is my hope that a few have and that we will become better people growing out of the ashes of tragedy. After all from the ashes arises the Phoenix with a glimmer of hope that can never be extinguished.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
9/11 Patriotism
I keep getting forwarded emails from people suggesting that everyone needs to put out their American flags for 9/11 and telling people that we need to show patriotic support for the ten year anniversary of the tragedy. While I agree that on the anniversary of this momentous day in history we should take a few moments to remember and to understand its significance, it bothers me that people only feel the need to be patriotic on one or two days a year. Maybe it's because my husband is a soldier but I feel like its deeper than that. The 4th of July has always been my favorite holiday and I do feel proud to be an American and wife of a soldier even if it isn't always easy and even knowing that as great as America is, it does have its flaws. I think we should strive to appreciate our country and everything that we have because of it EVERY DAY. We should treat every day like an American holiday and want to fly our flags all of the time not just when we feel obligated to do so.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Samson and Delilah - Not The Epic Love Story I Thought
A few days ago I decided to take a look at the Bible story of Samson and Delilah. For some reason I had always thought that theirs was an epic love story. This is definitely not the case. In fact, I have serious doubts that Delilah ever loved Samson at all. She betrayed him... multiple times! This is a horrible story. Why have I always been told that theirs is one of epic and unconditional love? I thought that maybe as I read on that Delilah's mistakes would be redeemed but they were not. I am not just surprised I guess you could say I am disillusioned and disappointed. What other misconceptions do I have about other stories?? I am not entirely sure if I want to find out.
Bible Study
I have recently become more interested in Bible study. Don't get me wrong this is not the first time I have picked up the Bible but I have recently found a renewed interest in taking a closer look at it. I think I should attribute some of this new found inspiration to my friend Ellie who I have recently had some really interested theologically conversations with.
A few weeks back, Ellie and I were having lunch at Panera and discussing one of her recent sermons when I mentioned to her that I really wished that the Bible had an index by topic. To my surprise she looked at me and told me that they existed! She told me that there are specific books which catalogue the Bible by topic and by word references and that it is called a Concordance.
A week or so later, I began researching where I could get one of these books. I found a Christan book store in town that May had told me about and found that they were having a sale on Bibles and Concordances. Yay! When I went to the store I found a topical Bible but it was vague and did not seem to include many entries. I ended up buying a Strong's Concordance. It seems a little intimidating because it is EXTREMELY detailed and has a Hebrew/Aramaic dictionary, a Greek dictionary, and a list of every single time every word in the Bible is mentioned as well as a comprehensive list by topic but the salesgirl highly recommended it and it was a great deal. Go big or go home right?
Anyways... so I have been looking up topics and looking up the respective Bible passages in the past week or so. I have discovered that there are many many books in the Bible that I am slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't even realize existed. I was raised a Catholic and went to CCD for years but when we discussed the Bible we always focused on the first few books about creation and the Gospels. Now I realize that the Bible is so much more than that!
I have asked Ellie to consider facilitating a Bible study online since she will be deploying soon. I really hope that she agrees.
A few weeks back, Ellie and I were having lunch at Panera and discussing one of her recent sermons when I mentioned to her that I really wished that the Bible had an index by topic. To my surprise she looked at me and told me that they existed! She told me that there are specific books which catalogue the Bible by topic and by word references and that it is called a Concordance.
A week or so later, I began researching where I could get one of these books. I found a Christan book store in town that May had told me about and found that they were having a sale on Bibles and Concordances. Yay! When I went to the store I found a topical Bible but it was vague and did not seem to include many entries. I ended up buying a Strong's Concordance. It seems a little intimidating because it is EXTREMELY detailed and has a Hebrew/Aramaic dictionary, a Greek dictionary, and a list of every single time every word in the Bible is mentioned as well as a comprehensive list by topic but the salesgirl highly recommended it and it was a great deal. Go big or go home right?
Anyways... so I have been looking up topics and looking up the respective Bible passages in the past week or so. I have discovered that there are many many books in the Bible that I am slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't even realize existed. I was raised a Catholic and went to CCD for years but when we discussed the Bible we always focused on the first few books about creation and the Gospels. Now I realize that the Bible is so much more than that!
I have asked Ellie to consider facilitating a Bible study online since she will be deploying soon. I really hope that she agrees.
Monday, August 22, 2011
I Should Have Stayed In Bed
Today is one of those days when I would have been better off staying in bed. I didn't fall asleep until one am last night mostly due to my own fault but I wasn't too worried because I didn't have to be up early today. The first thing on my schedule was a dentist appointment at noon. I figured I could sleep in till 9 and then get up and get ready. Life had other plans.
I was woken up at 8:30 by my phone ringing. It was the sub line. I am a substitute teacher so it is not normally unusual for me to get calls in the morning to get called into work. However it was unexpected today because today was the first day of school. Who calls in sick on the very first day?! Obviously due to my dentist appointment I had to decline the job but I could not fall back asleep even though I felt exhausted.
When I finally dragged myself out of bed I found myself running behind. I hurried to get ready and dashed out the door. Just my luck the drive to my appointment took considerably longer than I expected due to two accidents and a funeral procession. Go figure. When I finally arrived running about ten minutes late I parked the car and hurried into the building only to discover that they were running even further behind than me. At first I was relieved because it meant that I wasn't really "late" anymore however after sitting in the waiting room for half an hour... nearly 45 minutes after my appointment time I began to get frustrated. The visit only lasted ten minutes as they were just checking on the work they had done previously and I left the office.
When I got home I decided to tackle the next task on my to do list for the day. - Call Time Warner Cable- My Internet has been acting up and has been choosing to disconnect and not allow me to reconnect right when I am in the middle of talking to my husband. Can you say annoying and frustrating? I had already spoken to a tech on Friday night and he had told me that someone would need to come out to check my modem but I wasn't ready to schedule the appointment at 10pm so I told him I would call on Monday. Today I instantly regretted that choice. It took me 45 minutes of arguing and three supervisors to convince the TWC people that my router is not the problem and that a visit from a tech is indeed required. When I got off the phone I was more than a little annoyed.
Feeling irritated but trying to turn the day around I decided to do some laundry. The next hour or so went by smoothly but then dinner hour rolled in and I decided it was time to start cooking. I wanted to make pasta so I went to the sink and turned on the water to fill up a pot. Only problem? When I turned on the faucet the only water that came out was in a thin dribble even though I had turned the faucet on full blast. Seriously? I thought, you have to be kidding. I called the maintenance line hoping to hear that they were working on the water and that it would be turned back on shortly. No such luck. They agreed to send someone out to look at it. While I waited I decided that it might be a good idea to check out my basement to see if there was any water there. I was concerned that maybe a pipe had broken. Sure enough my basement was full of water. We have boxes down there and all of them are soaked. This was around 6:40pm.
To make a long story slightly shorter a repair guy did eventually show up and two problems were discovered. 1) A major water main break down the street and 2) The sub pump (sp?) in our basement had been improperly installed and was spewing gallons of water into our basement. I have one word to describe this. AWESOME. NOT.
It is now 11:22pm. The basement issue has not been fixed and the repair guys need to come back sometime this week to work on it. I have not even attempted yet to deal with my soggy boxes. At this point I decided that is a project for tomorrow. I also am still without water. It was supposed to be fixed hours ago but I just called for a status update and was told that it is going to be another 4-6 hours. It's a good thing I am going to bed soon because I cannot even flush my toilets. I can only hope that it is fixed by morning. Ellie called me to offer that I could stay at her place for the night but I figured the water would be on soon. It was really sweet of her to offer. She pretty much made my night. Well she and my husband who patiently listened to me tel him everything that had gone wrong. I am enjoying some brownies that Ellie gave me yesterday and a Mikes hard lemonade though. Somehow these two small luxuries make all of today's disasters seem not so bad.
I know that God will never give me more than I can handle but man I was really wishing my husband was here today to help me with everything. I am not looking forward to cleaning up soggy boxes and dealing with the TWC tech tomorrow but hopefully everything will work out.
I was woken up at 8:30 by my phone ringing. It was the sub line. I am a substitute teacher so it is not normally unusual for me to get calls in the morning to get called into work. However it was unexpected today because today was the first day of school. Who calls in sick on the very first day?! Obviously due to my dentist appointment I had to decline the job but I could not fall back asleep even though I felt exhausted.
When I finally dragged myself out of bed I found myself running behind. I hurried to get ready and dashed out the door. Just my luck the drive to my appointment took considerably longer than I expected due to two accidents and a funeral procession. Go figure. When I finally arrived running about ten minutes late I parked the car and hurried into the building only to discover that they were running even further behind than me. At first I was relieved because it meant that I wasn't really "late" anymore however after sitting in the waiting room for half an hour... nearly 45 minutes after my appointment time I began to get frustrated. The visit only lasted ten minutes as they were just checking on the work they had done previously and I left the office.
When I got home I decided to tackle the next task on my to do list for the day. - Call Time Warner Cable- My Internet has been acting up and has been choosing to disconnect and not allow me to reconnect right when I am in the middle of talking to my husband. Can you say annoying and frustrating? I had already spoken to a tech on Friday night and he had told me that someone would need to come out to check my modem but I wasn't ready to schedule the appointment at 10pm so I told him I would call on Monday. Today I instantly regretted that choice. It took me 45 minutes of arguing and three supervisors to convince the TWC people that my router is not the problem and that a visit from a tech is indeed required. When I got off the phone I was more than a little annoyed.
Feeling irritated but trying to turn the day around I decided to do some laundry. The next hour or so went by smoothly but then dinner hour rolled in and I decided it was time to start cooking. I wanted to make pasta so I went to the sink and turned on the water to fill up a pot. Only problem? When I turned on the faucet the only water that came out was in a thin dribble even though I had turned the faucet on full blast. Seriously? I thought, you have to be kidding. I called the maintenance line hoping to hear that they were working on the water and that it would be turned back on shortly. No such luck. They agreed to send someone out to look at it. While I waited I decided that it might be a good idea to check out my basement to see if there was any water there. I was concerned that maybe a pipe had broken. Sure enough my basement was full of water. We have boxes down there and all of them are soaked. This was around 6:40pm.
To make a long story slightly shorter a repair guy did eventually show up and two problems were discovered. 1) A major water main break down the street and 2) The sub pump (sp?) in our basement had been improperly installed and was spewing gallons of water into our basement. I have one word to describe this. AWESOME. NOT.
It is now 11:22pm. The basement issue has not been fixed and the repair guys need to come back sometime this week to work on it. I have not even attempted yet to deal with my soggy boxes. At this point I decided that is a project for tomorrow. I also am still without water. It was supposed to be fixed hours ago but I just called for a status update and was told that it is going to be another 4-6 hours. It's a good thing I am going to bed soon because I cannot even flush my toilets. I can only hope that it is fixed by morning. Ellie called me to offer that I could stay at her place for the night but I figured the water would be on soon. It was really sweet of her to offer. She pretty much made my night. Well she and my husband who patiently listened to me tel him everything that had gone wrong. I am enjoying some brownies that Ellie gave me yesterday and a Mikes hard lemonade though. Somehow these two small luxuries make all of today's disasters seem not so bad.
I know that God will never give me more than I can handle but man I was really wishing my husband was here today to help me with everything. I am not looking forward to cleaning up soggy boxes and dealing with the TWC tech tomorrow but hopefully everything will work out.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Peter Makes Me Feel Better About My Own Shortcomings
See my previous post for the sermon that I am discussing here.
I love the way Ellie begins this sermon because I think almost everyone has a similar memory of learning to ride a bike. I know that my own memory of my father teaching me is very similar. By using this example I feel like she made the Bible passage more accessible for me.
I really connected with how Ellie describes the relationship between Jesus and Peter. I love the way she says "I don’t think Jesus asks Peter about his doubts because he is judging Peter’s lack of faith or shaming him for being weak in the midst of the wind and the waves. Jesus knows all to well Peter’s limitations as a human being. He himself came into the world to live and to feel and to know that part of the human experience has to do with limitations, our limited vision and capacity, our propensity to forget God’s goodness, God’s faithfulness when we are in a dark and lonely wilderness. Jesus knows this all too well because he is one of us. I think Jesus asks Peter why he doubted because he wants to help Peter learn something important in this moment."
As a teacher myself I agree with Ellie's interpretation of this "teaching moment." I like the idea that Jesus is not "calling Peter out." He is not punishing Peter for doubting but instead showing him that he will be there no matter what happens EVEN if and when Peter doubts. Peter makes me feel better about myself because I know that I too have many shortcomings and often doubt God's plan when life gets difficult. It is easy to believe in God's Divine plan and presence when things are going well but it is not so easy to keep this faith when life seems dark and the challenges before us threaten to overwhelm us. I often feel like Peter. However I now realize that this is OK. God is not going to judge me for doubting him. Instead he will forgive me because he knows that as humans we are wired to doubt. This is not to give us an excuse but to say that doubt is something that we as humans will always struggle against.
When I spoke to Ellie about her sermon I explained to her how glad I was that she had chosen to talk about Peter and told her that I too am now thankful for Peter because he makes me feel better about my own mistakes. Ellie went on to remind me that many of the apostles were imperfect people. Many of them did horrible things before they came to Jesus. For example, Paul, was responsible for the persecution and deaths of many Christians before coming to Jesus. However in spite all of the imperfections that his followers had, Jesus was able to turn them into something wonderful. He was able to use their shortcoming to teach them about his way and forgave them for their mistakes no matter how terrible they may have been. In the same way I believe that if we let Jesus help us, he can turn our doubts, our mistakes, and our sins into a life that means something and is spent helping people to make our world a better place.
I love the way Ellie begins this sermon because I think almost everyone has a similar memory of learning to ride a bike. I know that my own memory of my father teaching me is very similar. By using this example I feel like she made the Bible passage more accessible for me.
I really connected with how Ellie describes the relationship between Jesus and Peter. I love the way she says "I don’t think Jesus asks Peter about his doubts because he is judging Peter’s lack of faith or shaming him for being weak in the midst of the wind and the waves. Jesus knows all to well Peter’s limitations as a human being. He himself came into the world to live and to feel and to know that part of the human experience has to do with limitations, our limited vision and capacity, our propensity to forget God’s goodness, God’s faithfulness when we are in a dark and lonely wilderness. Jesus knows this all too well because he is one of us. I think Jesus asks Peter why he doubted because he wants to help Peter learn something important in this moment."
As a teacher myself I agree with Ellie's interpretation of this "teaching moment." I like the idea that Jesus is not "calling Peter out." He is not punishing Peter for doubting but instead showing him that he will be there no matter what happens EVEN if and when Peter doubts. Peter makes me feel better about myself because I know that I too have many shortcomings and often doubt God's plan when life gets difficult. It is easy to believe in God's Divine plan and presence when things are going well but it is not so easy to keep this faith when life seems dark and the challenges before us threaten to overwhelm us. I often feel like Peter. However I now realize that this is OK. God is not going to judge me for doubting him. Instead he will forgive me because he knows that as humans we are wired to doubt. This is not to give us an excuse but to say that doubt is something that we as humans will always struggle against.
When I spoke to Ellie about her sermon I explained to her how glad I was that she had chosen to talk about Peter and told her that I too am now thankful for Peter because he makes me feel better about my own mistakes. Ellie went on to remind me that many of the apostles were imperfect people. Many of them did horrible things before they came to Jesus. For example, Paul, was responsible for the persecution and deaths of many Christians before coming to Jesus. However in spite all of the imperfections that his followers had, Jesus was able to turn them into something wonderful. He was able to use their shortcoming to teach them about his way and forgave them for their mistakes no matter how terrible they may have been. In the same way I believe that if we let Jesus help us, he can turn our doubts, our mistakes, and our sins into a life that means something and is spent helping people to make our world a better place.
It’s Just Like Riding A Bike
The following is another sermon that my chaplain friend Ellie recently gave. I really love what she has to say and following this post I will make another post discussing it. However, I wanted to post the original sermon here first so that those of you who are interested could read it. Thank you Ellie!
Reverend Ellie
August 7, 2011
Main Post Chapel
Matthew 14:22-33
“It’s just like riding a bike”
For my 7th birthday, I received a bright orange bicycle with a long banana boat seat. This was a major step up from the bike that I had as a six year old, because this new bicycle did not have any training wheels. Much to my dismay, no training wheels could be fitted on this bike because it was too big. If I wanted to ride my new present I had one choice: to ride without any safety net, something that I had never attempted before.
I remember the saturday morning when my father and I went out into our cul-de-sac so I could learn to ride my new bike. Before I began to pedal, in fact, before I even agreed to get on the bike, I gave my father a serious talking to. Under no circumstances would he be permitted ever to let go of me. No matter how well I pedaled or how fast I went, no matter what, he had to promise to stay there by my side. With his compliance, I mounted the bike. As I began to pedal, I couldn’t help but continue to remind my dad not to let go of me. Even though he was there, even though I could feel him literally holding me, I couldn’t stop myself from looking back and demanding that he keep his promise. Because I kept turning around to talk to my him, I didn’t go very far nor very fast. That was good news for my dad. He easily kept up with me.
As the day wore on, I found a little more courage and stopped looking back at my dad. After all, he had not failed me yet, so maybe he didn’t need my incessant reminders. As I began to pedal faster and faster, my dad had to run to stay with me. He hardly needed to hold me at all. Still, as long as I felt him, I didn’t think I was on my own. Soon, I was riding my bike all by myself. It was amazing. But then I realized, I was riding my bike all by myself. With this sudden awareness, I panicked and instead of pedaling, turned around to look for my father. I could no longer feel my dad holding me, to my surprise, he was still there just as he had promised. And, as I began to cry out and fall, he caught me.
Why did you doubt? Jesus asks. It’s a pretty simple question. After all, Jesus had given no indication at any point that there should be a reason to doubt. Peter’s experiences of Jesus up to this moment were all trustworthy. Jesus had already healed quite a few people, calmed a storm, restored the life of Jarius’ daughter, gave sight back to the blind, taught time and again about faithfulness, and turned water to wine and a few loaves and fishes into enough for a meal which fed a few thousand. In all the history that Peter and Jesus have together, there wasn’t a slip of trust or an incident which would merit a loss of faith. But, in Peter’s defense, Jesus was a human being. Just because he had been dependable SO FAR what would stop him from deviating in the future. More to the point, those waves were tall and relentless. They had been battering the boat all night without reprieve. And, the wind was fierce, potentially strong enough to capsize the boat so certainly able to engulf a mere man.
It’s pretty obvious why Peter had his doubts. And, I don’t think his doubts were overtly about Jesus. Peter’s doubts overtake him because his attention and focus on his circumstances, the wind and waves and water, became more important, more pressing, than his trust in his friend and teacher. As Jesus and the memory of their history together sank more into the backdrop, the danger and fear of the moment overcame Peter. He couldn’t see or remember anything else but the terrible wind and waves. He was completely overwhelmed. And, as we all might imagine, when the wind and waves surrounded him, and he lost sight of God’s presence, God’s promise to him, God’s trustworthiness, and he began to sink.
This seems to be the story of our lives. We have these moments of deep, abiding clarity where our faith is so strong that we step out of the safety of our boat and tackle the impossible. We hear the call of Jesus, and we say “Yes, Lord. Here I am.” With surprising eagerness, we follow Jesus into places and circumstances that are not easy. We go along for a while, even in the stormy water. But, like a thief which comes in the night, that faith which compelled us to follow, to believe in God’s goodness, is stolen by all the stuff which presses in on us.
“It’s cancer, and there is nothing we can do.”
“I want a divorce. I just don’t love you anymore.”
“I regret to inform you that your son has been killed.”
“Your position has been terminated.”
“We have lost our home. There is nothing left.”
I don’t think Jesus asks Peter about his doubts because he is judging Peter’s lack of faith or shaming him for being weak in the midst of the wind and the waves. Jesus knows all to well Peter’s limitations as a human being. He himself came into the world to live and to feel and to know that part of the human experience has to do with limitations, our limited vision and capacity, our propensity to forget God’s goodness, God’s faithfulness when we are in a dark and lonely wilderness. Jesus knows this all too well because he is one of us. I think Jesus asks Peter why he doubted because he wants to help Peter learn something important in this moment. The moment that Peter begins to sink, the moment that Peter cries, “Save me Lord,” Jesus makes his presence known. Immediately, he reaches out and catches a flailing, sinking Peter. As Jesus catches Peter, at the same time, he asks, “Why did you doubt?” Jesus is there to save Peter though Peter has lost his sight, perhaps even lost his faith. And, Jesus will be there again, every time that Peter calls out. He will be there even when Peter is silent. Jesus asks the question because he wants Peter to remember this.
Jesus knows that more storms are coming, with even stronger winds and mightier waves which will surely capsize the boat and threaten to destroy everything that is precious to the disciples. Jesus asks him why he doubts because, knowing what it means to be human, he knows that Peter’s faith will be put to the test again. He knows that Peter will lose sight of him. He knows the anguish Peter and his disciples will experience because of the cross, because of his death and seeming defeat. He wants them to remember that even when it seems that the storms of life have overtaken them and Jesus is no where in sight, even then, he is there, ready to catch them, always ready to save. He is holding on to us even when we can’t feel him anymore.
I don’t know about you, but most days I am really thankful that there are so many stories about Peter in the Bible, especially stories about his doubts and fears and stumbles and falls. Sometimes I can feel so discouraged because, despite the fact that at times I have caught a glimpse of the God’s steadfast love or I have witnessed God’s faithfulness, I still find myself sinking into the great sea, crying out, “Lord, save me.” I have known momentarily the peace of true faith but still, the storms that come from no where, the gnawing doubt and fear I have of the future and just what may come of my life, these things still threaten to undo me on some days. In my stumbles and falls, when my faith fades into the background and only my fear and doubt remain, I do find great comfort that God continues to love me, to reach out to me and catch me, to call me by name, into service and as a witness to the good news of this gospel. Just like Peter, the rock upon which our church was built. Peter, a limited human being, who failed to be there for Jesus in his most needy hour, who fell asleep in the garden and then who denied him three times. Nonetheless, it is Peter who is called upon by Jesus to spread this good news.
And it is also us. Us who doubt. Us who question. Us, who in one moment have courage and in the next fall flat, it is all of us who, like Peter, are called to feed sheep, called to share our love, called simply to remember just who is there and has been there all along to catch us when we fall. Faith doesn’t go away because our doubts and fears cloud our vision. Faith is not forgotten forever when it seems lost or broken. Faith is a part of us that we don’t forget no matter how much time has past, kind of like riding a bike. When we have learned it, when it has become imbedded in our hearts and minds, our falls can never erase it. Even years of setting it aside do not make it null. It is there because God is there. We may not always be able to see or feel God’s presence, but our inability to see or feel does not dictate God’s ability to keep a promise.
“Why do you doubt?” we are asked. “Remember, I am with you always, to the ends of the ages.” May it be so. Amen
*Posted with permisson from Ellie. I have not edited or changed her sermon in any way other than changing her name.
Half Price Books
I recently discovered http://www.halfpricebooksonline.com/. They have a retail store but online there is a lot more variety to choose from. I am excited because I found two books that I have been wanting in "like new" condition for only 99 cents each! Not only that but these are hardcover editions! Yes, I had to pay shipping but since I bought two books from the same seller, I got a discount on the shipping of the second book and only paid $9 for both books shipping included. I am excited for my new purchases to arrive and depending on how they look when they get here I am looking forward to finding some more great deals on this site.
Patient Hope Revisited
Those who regularly read my blog may recall my post a few weeks ago about my chaplain friend's semon entitled Patient Hope. I have recieved many interested comments about my post and her sermon so I asked my friend (who from here on out I will refer to as Ellie) and she agreed to send me the text of the sermon and to let me post it here for you. Enjoy!
Rev. Ellie at Main Post Chapel
July 17, 2011
Romans 8:12-25
Patient Hope
Listen to these last two verses from Romans once more. “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
A couple weeks ago, a friend sent me a book entitled While There’re at War. The book’s author, Kristin Henderson, is the wife of a Navy chaplain. She gives an account of her own experience, waiting for her husband while he was deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq during the initial invasions early on in the wars. In addition to some of her own reflections as a military spouse, she follows the experiences of a group of women in Fayetteville who call themselves “the Hooah Wives.” Throughout their husband’s deployments, the Hooah Wives stick together, helping each other survive the months and months of loneliness and fear. The stories that she tells may sound familiar to many of us. From the good-bye scene on the Green Ramp, to nerve wracking hours of waiting for green suiters to knock on the door with earth shattering news, sleepless nights, anxious days, and always this distant hope that one day, their loved one will come home alive and well.
Preparing for this sermon and reading Paul’s letter to the Romans about creation suffering as it waits for restoration, my mind kept wandering back to that time period of waiting which many face when a loved one is deployed. Those who are left at home to wait approach this difficult season in a variety of ways, some healthy and some destructive. We have heard and seen and even experienced the ways that people cope with the stress of deployment. Working longer hours in order to stay busy or joining a faith community in order to find support and care during this vulnerable time are some of the more healthy coping mechanisms some spouses choose. On the opposite end of the spectrum, others may fall into addictions to alcohol or drugs or even extra-marital affairs. The book takes time to discuss each of these, not from a place of judgement but instead from a position of compassion. Waiting is one of the most difficult tasks we are ever called to do. It is not surprising that in the process of waiting, many of us stumble and sometimes even fall.
Unfortunately, seasons of waiting are not something that we can avoid, even when we try to run away from their clutches. How we wait, our posture while waiting, this might be worth exploring. I entitled my sermon “Patient Hope.” I did this much earlier in the week, and honestly, it was just the first thing that popped in my head when I read the scripture. I wasn’t even sure what I meant when I wrote it. But throughout the week, as I considered Patient Hope, an idea started to emerge. We all have to wait in one season or another, but it is how we wait that reveals our faithfulness. We can wait in hope or we can wait in dread. Both are among our available choices, yet how we wait determines the quality of our relationship with God and with one another.
For years, instead of living with Patient Hope, I lived with a kind of patient dread. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a seemingly happy person who enjoyed life and friends, but secretly, I was constantly waiting with dread. Much of my posture in waiting had to do with my brother who was diagnosed with mental illness and drug addiction while I was away at college. Four states were a great buffer between the reality of my brother’s illness and me. Yet, I lived daily with dread that as matters deteriorated more and more at home, I would one day get the call that someone had died, either my brother from overdose or tragic accident or one of my parents caught in the cross-fire of his rage and violence. The days between calls from home were spent in patient dread as I prepared myself for the worst. And, with my patient dread, came a kind of closing in. I folded my arms around my heart, putting up invisible walls which might protect me from any more heartbreak.
Living with patient dread makes sense sometimes. The reality of our situations may lend to this kind of protective posture. Replacing our dread with hope may seem nearly impossible. Most of us have known the sting of disappointment. We know the pain which accompanies all the kinds of hurt which we might face in our lives: the death of a spouse, breaches of trust because of infidelity or dishonest behavior, the tragic news of an illness, wanting to be a parent, but not being able to have children or having a child who faces sickness and even death. The list could go on. With all these possibilities, waiting with dread is not a surprising response to life’s events. After all, the whole creation has been groaning. How and when will we be set free from this bondage to decay? How and when will we obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God?
The problem with dread is that it is a silent killer. It turns us in on ourselves. As we groan inwardly, as we protect ourselves from the pain, we also become insulated to the gifts of life which keep us healthy. The good gifts of love and friendship and joy and blessing, they have no way to penetrate our walls. Before we are aware, dread, and all that comes with it, become our expectation. We become stuck in this posture, and we don’t believe that there is any other way to live.
It’s easy for me to say that Patient Hope is the answer but it’s harder put it into practice when we are in the midst of life’s storms. But, when we read the good news, and we look at the cross, we see what waiting in hope really looks like. Jesus’ life and ministry was all about Patient Hope. As he waited to see and experience what the world would do with him, he did so with a posture of hope, arms always opened wide, welcoming the stranger, the little one, the sinner, even when arms wide open would risk his reputation, his family and friends and eventually his life. On my desk at home, I have a hand carved crucifix. A friend brought it to me when I was living in Cape Town. I must admit, it was a little off putting at first. The crown of thorns, the nails in his hands, the ravaged face and body hanging by mere threads of life. I didn’t know where to put it because I didn’t want to scare people who came over to visit me with this almost two foot depiction of Christ dying on the cross prominently displayed in my living room. We Protestants don’t spend a lot of our time in the presence of the crucifixion. Our crosses leave much to the imagination. This week, though, looking at Jesus on the cross, I couldn’t help but think that this was the ultimate statement of Patient Hope. No walls of protection, no attempt to avoid the pain or disappointment. Just arms wide open, waiting with hope that death would not have the final say.
Paul writes to the Romans, “But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But, if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” It feels like Paul is saying this... If it has come to easily. If it’s not a big deal. If you feel that you already have it, already understand it fully, then you have missed the boat altogether. For Paul, hope, resurrection hope, doesn’t come haphazardly. It is not something to throw around or put on display. Resurrection hope is so powerful that on some days, it brings us to our knees with tears that spring to our eyes as much from our pain as from our joy and gratitude. Resurrection hope is what I like to call a painful gift. It is something so wonderful that we have no choice but to accept and embrace it. But, with saying yes to the gift, we also say yes to the risks and the heartache which cannot be avoided when we have our arms wide open.
Living in Patient Hope transforms us from our inward groaning as we wait for God to restore us. Each day, each moment that we wait in hope, rather than wait in dread, we open our arms just a little more, moving toward the posture which Jesus has shown us in his life and death, which Jesus shows us even now. When we live in Patient hope, we witness that resurrection is not just something that happened thousands of years ago, but it is something that happens every day. From the dust and ashes of our broken lives, God breathes life anew. Even the oldest bones, the greatest chasm, the deepest hurt, the darkest night are not beyond God’s restoration. Just because we can’t see or conceive of it, doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible through God’s grace and love.
It’s hard to wait in hope for something that we can’t see. It’s hard, on this journey of life, to hope when we don’t know all the dangers we may meet upon the road... will we hurt or feel alone, will we live life to its fullest, or will we have regrets? Even when we don’t know all the details, we do know the end of the story. We know what we have been promised.. restoration and fullness.. and we also know that God has promised to be there with us.
We follow a savior who has his arms wide open. All we need to do to remember this is look at the cross. Jesus lived with patient hope, arms ready to embrace the muck and mess instead of push it all away. It cost him his life, yet that was not his end. Nor is it ours. Through Christ, with Christ, and in Christ, we wait with Patient Hope. May it be so, today, tomorrow, and always. Amen.
*Posted with permisson from Ellie. I have not edited or changed her sermon in any way other than changing her name.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Birthday Packages
My birthday passed a few weeks ago but I wanted to write a quick post about the two packages that I received in the mail. This was my second birthday since I married my hubby a little over a year ago but for some reason both my hubby and my maid of honor (who happens to be my sister) sent me packages this year addressed to my maiden name.
The first package to arrive was from my amazing hubby. It was delivered a couple of days before my actual birthday and was a complete surprise. When the postman handed it to me I was puzzled at first as to who it was from because it was addressed to my maiden name. When I took a closer look at the shipping label I recognized my hubby's handwriting and saw his name and address listed as the sender. I had to laugh a little. I wondered to myself... why would my hubby send me a package addressed to my maiden name? Did he forget he was married to me and that I took his name? In his defense, this was the first time that he had officially sent me mail since our wedding and the last time he had mailed me anything we had not been married yet. What is funny though is that when I asked him about it, he denied doing it and I had to actually show him the box over the web cam to prove that he had. He hadn't even realized that he had done it. Poor hubby. It was so sweet of him to send me a package and I felt bad for pointing out his mistake but it did make me laugh.
Ironically, I would receive another package address to my maiden name two weeks later.
The second package was from my sister. It was sent to my mom's house since I was visiting here there. My mom's birthday is soon after mine so my sister had mailed our gifts together. She had addressed the box to both of us but had listed my name second so again it appeared that the box was addressed to my maiden name. I know she did it that way because it was going to my mom's house and that is of course her last name but she should have listed my first name first and then my mom's and the last name so it didn't read as my maiden name. I laughed and told my mom about the package from my hubby. She agreed that it was pretty funny. She is the one who pointed out that the packages had been from my maid of honor and my husband... the two people who should know best what my last name is!! LOL
The first package to arrive was from my amazing hubby. It was delivered a couple of days before my actual birthday and was a complete surprise. When the postman handed it to me I was puzzled at first as to who it was from because it was addressed to my maiden name. When I took a closer look at the shipping label I recognized my hubby's handwriting and saw his name and address listed as the sender. I had to laugh a little. I wondered to myself... why would my hubby send me a package addressed to my maiden name? Did he forget he was married to me and that I took his name? In his defense, this was the first time that he had officially sent me mail since our wedding and the last time he had mailed me anything we had not been married yet. What is funny though is that when I asked him about it, he denied doing it and I had to actually show him the box over the web cam to prove that he had. He hadn't even realized that he had done it. Poor hubby. It was so sweet of him to send me a package and I felt bad for pointing out his mistake but it did make me laugh.
Ironically, I would receive another package address to my maiden name two weeks later.
The second package was from my sister. It was sent to my mom's house since I was visiting here there. My mom's birthday is soon after mine so my sister had mailed our gifts together. She had addressed the box to both of us but had listed my name second so again it appeared that the box was addressed to my maiden name. I know she did it that way because it was going to my mom's house and that is of course her last name but she should have listed my first name first and then my mom's and the last name so it didn't read as my maiden name. I laughed and told my mom about the package from my hubby. She agreed that it was pretty funny. She is the one who pointed out that the packages had been from my maid of honor and my husband... the two people who should know best what my last name is!! LOL
Friday, August 5, 2011
Motormouth/Dashboard Drummer
Today I made the 5.5 hour trek north to visit my parents. They only recently moved close enough for me to drive and although it is a long ride I like being able to visit more often, especially now that Hubby is away. As I was driving, I realized what I had to blog about today…
Does anyone remember that VH1 show called “Motormouth?” I want to say it aired sometime around 2004? In the show they put hidden cameras in people’s cars and watched as they rocked out to music in the car – singing and dancing and having a great time because they thought that no one was watching. I thought this show was hilarious.
Today as I made the 5.5 hour drive I realized that I am indeed one of these “motomouths.” I have also heard us referred to as dashboard drummers. I totally do that too! I love to sing in my car. No one can judge how bad I am and I have so much fun doing it. It really makes the five hour plus trek go by quickly. As I sang along today I was thinking about the old VH1 show and I thought to myself “man…. If anyone was watching me right now they would probably be laughing their butts off at me.” I am sure that I am way off key and look ridiculous but with the volume turned way up I sound OK to me and who cares right? No one else can hear me.
Are there any other “motormouths” out there willing to accept the title?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Looking For My Hubby
Before you read this post let me say that I am not a stalker and I hope that I don't sound crazy. My brain knows that my hubby isn't here and that he won't be back anytime soon and that when he does I will surely know he is coming. However, that doesn't seem to stop the other side of my brain from looking for him.
Living on an army post I see people in uniform walking around all day long past my house and nearly everywhere I go. It took awhile to get used to but by now should not be surprising. However since my hubby left I have found myself looking to see if any of the uniformed soldiers walking by might be him.
Soldiers all look similar when in uniform and I guess part of me keeps hoping that the soldier walking down the street will be my hubby and that he will be walking through our front door any minute instead of some stranger merely walking by on his way somewhere else. On occasion I have also run into soldiers who at a quick glance look very much like my hubby and I find my heart racing as I take a second look only to realize that it isn't him at all and that upon a closer look, the soldier standing there doesn't look like Hubby at all. What was I thinking? Why is my brain playing tricks on me?
Like I said I KNOW that he isn't here and he knows that I hate surprises so I know that I will know when he is coming home. But I can't help looking for him. Am I crazy?
Living on an army post I see people in uniform walking around all day long past my house and nearly everywhere I go. It took awhile to get used to but by now should not be surprising. However since my hubby left I have found myself looking to see if any of the uniformed soldiers walking by might be him.
Soldiers all look similar when in uniform and I guess part of me keeps hoping that the soldier walking down the street will be my hubby and that he will be walking through our front door any minute instead of some stranger merely walking by on his way somewhere else. On occasion I have also run into soldiers who at a quick glance look very much like my hubby and I find my heart racing as I take a second look only to realize that it isn't him at all and that upon a closer look, the soldier standing there doesn't look like Hubby at all. What was I thinking? Why is my brain playing tricks on me?
Like I said I KNOW that he isn't here and he knows that I hate surprises so I know that I will know when he is coming home. But I can't help looking for him. Am I crazy?
Happy Birthday
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. I have to admit, I was a little (ok more than a little) disappointed that I would be spending it sans hubby. Thanks to the military this is the third year, in a row, that I have had to celebtrate my birthday without him. I know this probably sounds petty and I know that HE has to spend his birthday without me this year too...but I can't help how I feel. Originally I had planned to go out with several girlfriends for a night on the town but slowly one by one they all canceled due to other army related issues/events. I was bummed but how could I blame then? It's not like they asked for their plans to be changed either. I had resigned myself to spending the day alone but between my friend May and my hubby it actually turned out to be a pretty good day.
May was attending a marriage retreat with her hubby but was able to specially rearrange her schedule yesterday so that we could do something in the afternoon. This was an amazing gesture and I am not sure how to repay her kindness. She hadn't seen her own hubby in a week as he was in the field and she took time off from her weekend with him to celebrate my birthday. She is such an incredible friend and I don't know what I would do without her.
May took me to this cute little tea house downtown in the city. It was called Madhatter's Tea House and was themed, as you may guess, for the famous madhatter tea party from Alice in Wonderland. The art on the walls was all cockeyed and the shelves holding nicknacks and decorations were all purposely slanted. Even the teacups were all mismatched and sat on saucers which clearly did not match the cups that sat on them. The place was full of character. I could not help but smile. We ordered two pots of tea and some amazing dessert and then sat and chatted for a couple of hours while we enjoyed. It was the perfect afternoon. I could not have asked for anything better. May truly made my day special and I am in a great debt to her.
Later in the evening when my hubby woke up (overseas time difference) he came online and chatted with me. We played some online games together and I enjoyed his company even if it was via my laptop. After awhile I went and got myself a cupcake out of the fridge from last weekend and on a whim decided to stick a candle in the middle. Afterall... what is a birthday without candles and cake right? Hubby sang happy birthday to me over the webcam before I blew out the candle. It was a pretty perfect ending to the day. I have to say I feel pretty lucky.
Thank you May and Hubby for making my birthday a special one.
May was attending a marriage retreat with her hubby but was able to specially rearrange her schedule yesterday so that we could do something in the afternoon. This was an amazing gesture and I am not sure how to repay her kindness. She hadn't seen her own hubby in a week as he was in the field and she took time off from her weekend with him to celebrate my birthday. She is such an incredible friend and I don't know what I would do without her.
May took me to this cute little tea house downtown in the city. It was called Madhatter's Tea House and was themed, as you may guess, for the famous madhatter tea party from Alice in Wonderland. The art on the walls was all cockeyed and the shelves holding nicknacks and decorations were all purposely slanted. Even the teacups were all mismatched and sat on saucers which clearly did not match the cups that sat on them. The place was full of character. I could not help but smile. We ordered two pots of tea and some amazing dessert and then sat and chatted for a couple of hours while we enjoyed. It was the perfect afternoon. I could not have asked for anything better. May truly made my day special and I am in a great debt to her.
Later in the evening when my hubby woke up (overseas time difference) he came online and chatted with me. We played some online games together and I enjoyed his company even if it was via my laptop. After awhile I went and got myself a cupcake out of the fridge from last weekend and on a whim decided to stick a candle in the middle. Afterall... what is a birthday without candles and cake right? Hubby sang happy birthday to me over the webcam before I blew out the candle. It was a pretty perfect ending to the day. I have to say I feel pretty lucky.
Thank you May and Hubby for making my birthday a special one.
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