Fishy

If you read my previous post you know that my beta fish, Fishy, jumped out of his bowl last night.  Although I rescued him and he seemed to be swimming around the bowl before I went to bed, he must have been been injured from being out of water too long.  He passed away around 3:00pm today.

When I woke up this morning, I was dreading going into the living room to check on Fishy.  I was afraid that I would find him dead in his bowl after what had happened last night.  When I finally went to check on him I was greeted by the sight of him at the bottom of the bowl.  This is not uncommon as he often likes to sleep on the bottom.  However he did not come to the surface to eat when I sprinkled his food into the bowl.  I knew this was not a good sign.  He didn't seem his normal jewel blue color either but rather seemed to have taken on a grayish hue.  He was still alive but I had a feeling that he was dying.

I tried to do whatever I could to make him comfortable.  I didn't want him to suffer.  I took the tulle off of the top of his bowl, little chance he would jump out now when he could barely move, and opened the shades so that the sun would warm his water.  I watched him as I ate breakfast.  He feebly tried to swim to the surface a couple of times but each time it seemed as if he had to expend an enormous effort to get to the top only to run out of energy and sink back down to the bottom, gills flapping laboriously as he struggled to breathe.

I felt awful but there wasn't anything else I could do.  I decided that the best thing I could do was to let him be and let him rest.  I checked on him every fifteen minutes or so as I did my household chores.  After awhile he stopped trying to reach the top of the bowl.  He just sat on the bottom  slowly moving his front fins and trying to breathe.

An hour or so later he had moved from sitting on the bottom by the side of the bowl to laying on his side on the bottom.  He was still alive but I didn't think he would be for much longer.  He only had enough energy to move the one front fin on the side of his body facing upwards and his gills flapped open and closed very slowly.  He was quiet but I knew he was struggling to breathe.

Around 3:00 when I checked on him again I noticed that his fin seemed to have stopped moving and his gills didn't seem to be opening either.  I had a feeling that he had passed but I half hoped that he was just resting.  He never moved again.

I hope he didn't suffer too much.  I really enjoyed having him and although he wasn't a pet that I could cuddle, he was company that made me feel less alone with Hubby gone.  Part of me is still in denial.  I keep checking his lifeless form to see if he might just wake up and start swimming around the bowl.  I know he won't. 

Both Hubby and May told me that a year is a pretty good life for a walmart fish but I still feel sad.  I know he was only a fish but he was still special to me.  I still remember the day Hubby brought him home to surprise me like it was yesterday. 

I want to bury him in the yard.  I can't bring myself to flush him or throw him in the trash.  I had to borrow a shovel from May but by the time I brought it home it was too dark to see.  (All I had to dig with was a spoon.)  I poured most of the water from the bowl into the sink.  I poured Fishy's body and the remaining water into his cup.  Just to prove to myself that he really was gone I poked his body with a straw.  There was no reaction.  Now I knew for sure he was gone.  I put the lid on the cup and put the bowl in the sink. 

I plan to bury Fishy in the morning when it is light again and I can see well enough to dig a small grave beneath one of our trees.  I want to make sure that the grave is deep enough so that a feral cat won't be able to dig him up very easily. 

I keep looking at the place where Fishy's bowl usually sits.  I miss him already.  I miss watching him swim around and the way he liked to watch me.  I know it sounds dumb but I feel that much more alone.  Now I really am completely alone here in the house.  I caught myself looking at the cup on the counter a few times hoping that Fishy had come back to life.

Hubby said I could get a new fish and I suggested that maybe we could pick one out together at Christmas if he is able to come home.  For now, I am just sad.  But I know that Fishy is in fish heaven.  Rest in peace Fishy.  I loved you.