A New Outlook on What it Means to Be Chrisitan

In previous posts, I have mentioned that I have become more interested in religion and have begun some self exploration in and about how I feel about it.  At Christmastime, my younger sister lent me some books which she thought I might be interested in.  Two of these books were Captivating by John Eldredge and The Shack by William P. Young.  I really enjoyed these books and there were some ideas addressed in them which I found particularly interesting.  I thought I would post about a few of them in case anyone may be interested in the topics and picking up one of these books too.

Captivating, is about the soul of a woman.  It discusses God's creation of the woman's soul and the parts of God's own self that woman embodies.  The book talks about Adam and Eve as the embodiments of the first man and woman.  It suggests that men have an innate need to be heroes, to be leaders and women have an innate need to be nurturers.  This is not to say that women cannot be leaders, and men cannot be nurturing but that we are naturally wired to be predisposed to certain feelings.  As a soldier's wife I believe my husband really is a hero in more ways than one but even if he was a business man doing a desk job somewhere I don't think I would feel any differently.  Before we were married he used to call me his princess and that made me feel special in many ways.  I think every girl wants to be some one's princess and he really made me feel like one.  The book also talks about the story of Adam and Eve and about the portrayal of Eve as the cause of man's exile from the Garden of Eden.  The author points out that although Eve is the one who eats the apple first, Adam just stands there and does nothing.  He fails in his role as Eve's protector and therefore is equally to blame for their exile.  He doesn't even protest when Eve offers him the apple as well.  I like the fact that Adam and Eve are equally to blame for man's downfall.  It's an interesting book and I would recommend it to anyone interested in the roles of men and women and it is enlightening in how it explains the hearts of women.

The Shack, is a very different book.  This book does not set out to be a text on religion.  Rather, it is a story about a man whose daughter is murdered and how he learns to come to terms with her loss.  The main character has a religious experience in which he meets God.  God is embodied in three people, rather like the trinity.  One of the three is a black woman who loves to cook, one is an Asian woman who loves to garden, and the third is a middle eastern man who goes by the name Jesus and loves carpentry.  The main character is uncomfortable at first with the idea that God is a woman.  She doesn't fit his stereotypical image on Jesus or God as a white man with a beard and long white robe.  I like the idea that God could be someone other than the stereotypical image.  In the book, God also tells the main character that he does not care for the institution of religion at all.  He thinks religion creates rifts between people because they put to many rules on each other and use them to exclude each other.  There are a few ideas in the book that I don't entirely agree with but some of the ideas are intriguing.  It's worth reading if you are interested in viewing God and religion from a different perspective.

Innocence of Children

A few weeks ago  I was at my friend May's house.  She had two little girls staying with her for the weekend in addition to her own two boys because she had offered to watch them while the girls' parents attendend a marriage retreat.  May had invited me over as another pair of dult eyes and for some adult conversation.  As bedtime grew close the kids stalled trying to delay the end to their fun.  May read them two bedtime stories and asked them if they wanted to pray.  She offered each child a chance to pray on his or her own if they wanted to.  I was curious to hear what the kids would pray for.  I really wasn't sure what to expect but I thought they might say something along the lines of blessing their family members since that is what my parents did with me when I was young.

The oldest of the children began.  I think she is only slightly older than Alex who  is six but what came out of her mouth really touched me.  " Dear God she began, please bless my mama and my papa and please watch over their (Alex and Spain) papa and please make sure that he comes home soon and safe.  Pease give me good dreams not bad ones and..."  My heart squeezed.  Alex had told the girls earlier that his papa had just left on deployment.  At six he understands a lot of what that means for him and his family and I think he has been feeling his dad's absence.  I could not believe that this little girl had prayed for Alex's dad without any prompting.  She had done it of her own volition and you could tell she meant every word.  Alex prayed next and he too asked for the same things, micing the girl's prayer almost exactly. 

In that moment I not only thanked God for the understand of Alex's friend and for the support she showed him but wished that Alex and his baby brother did not have to be in the position of missing their father at all.  Deployment is hard on everyone but it breaks my heart to see a child missing a parent.

Bedtime Prayer

I saw this possted on the Army Wife Network today and thought it was worth reposting...

Now I lay me down to sleep...one less terrorist this world does keep...with all my heart I give my thanks...to those in uniform regardless of rank...you serve our country and serve it well...with humble hearts your stories tell...so as I rest my weary eyes...while freedom rings our flag still flies...you give your all, do what you must...with God we live and God we trust.

Amen.

Bible Study

I have recently become more interested in Bible study.  Don't get me wrong this is not the first time I have picked up the Bible but I have recently found a renewed interest in taking a closer look at it.  I think I should attribute some of this new found inspiration to my friend Ellie who I have recently had some really interested theologically conversations with. 

A few weeks back, Ellie and I were having lunch at Panera and discussing one of her recent sermons when I mentioned to her that I really wished that the Bible had an index by topic.  To my surprise she looked at me and told me that they existed!  She told me that there are specific books which catalogue the Bible by topic and by word references and that it is called a Concordance. 

A week or so later, I began researching where I could get one of these books.  I found a Christan book store in town that May had told me about and found that they were having a sale on Bibles and Concordances.  Yay!  When I went to the store I found a topical Bible but it was vague and did not seem to include many entries.  I ended up buying a Strong's Concordance.  It seems a little intimidating because it is EXTREMELY detailed and has a Hebrew/Aramaic dictionary, a Greek dictionary, and a list of every single time every word in the Bible is mentioned as well as a comprehensive list by topic but the salesgirl highly recommended it and  it was a great deal.  Go big or go home right?

Anyways... so I have been looking up topics and looking up the respective Bible passages in the past week or so.  I have discovered that there are many many books in the Bible that I am slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't even realize existed.  I was raised a Catholic and went to CCD for years but when we discussed the Bible we always focused on the first few books about creation and the Gospels. Now I realize that the Bible is so much more than that!

I have asked Ellie to consider facilitating a Bible study online since she will be deploying soon.  I really hope that she agrees.

Peter Makes Me Feel Better About My Own Shortcomings

See my previous post for the sermon that I am discussing here.

I love the way Ellie begins this sermon because I think almost everyone has a similar memory of learning to ride a bike.  I know that my own memory of my father teaching me is very similar.  By using this example I feel like she made the Bible passage more accessible for me. 

I really connected with how Ellie describes the relationship between Jesus and Peter.  I love the way she says "I don’t think Jesus asks Peter about his doubts because he is judging Peter’s lack of faith or shaming him for being weak in the midst of the wind and the waves. Jesus knows all to well Peter’s limitations as a human being. He himself came into the world to live and to feel and to know that part of the human experience has to do with limitations, our limited vision and capacity, our propensity to forget God’s goodness, God’s faithfulness when we are in a dark and lonely wilderness. Jesus knows this all too well because he is one of us. I think Jesus asks Peter why he doubted because he wants to help Peter learn something important in this moment."

As a teacher myself I agree with Ellie's interpretation of this "teaching moment."  I like the idea that Jesus is not "calling Peter out."  He is not punishing Peter for doubting but instead showing him that he will be there no matter what happens EVEN if and when Peter doubts.  Peter makes me feel better about myself because I know that I too have many shortcomings and often doubt God's plan when life gets difficult.  It is easy to believe in God's Divine plan and presence when things are going well but it is not so easy to keep this faith when life seems dark and the challenges before us threaten to overwhelm us.  I often feel like Peter.  However I now realize that this is OK.  God is not going to judge me for doubting him.  Instead he will forgive me because he knows that as humans we are wired to doubt.  This is not to give us an excuse but to say that doubt is something that we as humans will always struggle against. 

When I spoke to Ellie about her sermon I explained to her how glad I was that she had chosen to talk about Peter and told her that I too am now thankful for Peter because he makes me feel better about my own mistakes.  Ellie went on to remind me that many of the apostles were imperfect people.  Many of them did horrible things before they came to Jesus.  For example, Paul, was responsible for the persecution and deaths of many Christians before coming to Jesus.  However in spite all of the imperfections that his followers had, Jesus was able to turn them into something wonderful.  He was able to use their shortcoming to teach them about his way and forgave them for their mistakes no matter how terrible they may have been.  In the same way I believe that if we let Jesus help us, he can turn our doubts, our mistakes, and our sins into a life that means something and is spent helping people to make our world a better place.

It’s Just Like Riding A Bike

The following is another sermon that my chaplain friend Ellie recently gave.  I really love what she has to say and following this post I will make another post discussing it.  However, I wanted to post the original sermon here first so that those of you who are interested could read it.  Thank you Ellie!

Reverend Ellie

August 7, 2011

Main Post Chapel

Matthew 14:22-33

“It’s just like riding a bike”

For my 7th birthday, I received a bright orange bicycle with a long banana boat seat. This was a major step up from the bike that I had as a six year old, because this new bicycle did not have any training wheels. Much to my dismay, no training wheels could be fitted on this bike because it was too big. If I wanted to ride my new present I had one choice: to ride without any safety net, something that I had never attempted before.

I remember the saturday morning when my father and I went out into our cul-de-sac so I could learn to ride my new bike.  Before I began to pedal, in fact, before I even agreed to get on the bike, I gave my father a serious talking to. Under no circumstances would he be permitted ever to let go of me. No matter how well I pedaled or how fast I went, no matter what, he had to promise to stay there by my side. With his compliance, I mounted the bike. As I began to pedal, I couldn’t help but continue to remind my dad not to let go of me. Even though he was there, even though I could feel him literally holding me, I couldn’t stop myself from looking back and demanding that he keep his promise. Because I kept turning around to talk to my him, I didn’t go very far nor very fast. That was good news for my dad. He easily kept up with me.

As the day wore on, I found a little more courage and stopped looking back at my dad. After all, he had not failed me yet, so maybe he didn’t need my incessant reminders. As I began to pedal faster and faster, my dad had to run to stay with me. He hardly needed to hold me at all. Still, as long as I felt him, I didn’t think I was on my own. Soon, I was riding my bike all by myself. It was amazing. But then I realized, I was riding my bike all by myself. With this sudden awareness, I panicked and instead of pedaling, turned around to look for my father. I could no longer feel my dad holding me, to my surprise, he was still there just as he had promised. And, as I began to cry out and fall, he caught me.

Why did you doubt? Jesus asks. It’s a pretty simple question. After all, Jesus had given no indication at any point that there should be a reason to doubt. Peter’s experiences of Jesus up to this moment were all trustworthy. Jesus had already healed quite a few people, calmed a storm, restored the life of Jarius’ daughter, gave sight back to the blind, taught time and again about faithfulness, and turned water to wine and a few loaves and fishes into enough for a meal which fed a few thousand. In all the history that Peter and Jesus have together, there wasn’t a slip of trust or an incident which would merit a loss of faith. But, in Peter’s defense, Jesus was a human being. Just because he had been dependable SO FAR what would stop him from deviating in the future. More to the point, those waves were tall and relentless. They had been battering the boat all night without reprieve. And, the wind was fierce, potentially strong enough to capsize the boat so certainly able to engulf a mere man.

It’s pretty obvious why Peter had his doubts. And, I don’t think his doubts were overtly about Jesus. Peter’s doubts overtake him because his attention and focus on his circumstances, the wind and waves and water, became more important, more pressing, than his trust in his friend and teacher. As Jesus and the memory of their history together sank more into the backdrop, the danger and fear of the moment overcame Peter. He couldn’t see or remember anything else but the terrible wind and waves. He was completely overwhelmed. And, as we all might imagine, when the wind and waves surrounded him, and he lost sight of God’s presence, God’s promise to him, God’s trustworthiness, and he began to sink.

This seems to be the story of our lives. We have these moments of deep, abiding clarity where our faith is so strong that we step out of the safety of our boat and tackle the impossible. We hear the call of Jesus, and we say “Yes, Lord. Here I am.” With surprising eagerness, we follow Jesus into places and circumstances that are not easy. We go along for a while, even in the stormy water. But, like a thief which comes in the night, that faith which compelled us to follow, to believe in God’s goodness, is stolen by all the stuff which presses in on us.

“It’s cancer, and there is nothing we can do.”

“I want a divorce. I just don’t love you anymore.”

“I regret to inform you that your son has been killed.”

“Your position has been terminated.”

“We have lost our home. There is nothing left.”

I don’t think Jesus asks Peter about his doubts because he is judging Peter’s lack of faith or shaming him for being weak in the midst of the wind and the waves. Jesus knows all to well Peter’s limitations as a human being. He himself came into the world to live and to feel and to know that part of the human experience has to do with limitations, our limited vision and capacity, our propensity to forget God’s goodness, God’s faithfulness when we are in a dark and lonely wilderness. Jesus knows this all too well because he is one of us. I think Jesus asks Peter why he doubted because he wants to help Peter learn something important in this moment. The moment that Peter begins to sink, the moment that Peter cries, “Save me Lord,” Jesus makes his presence known. Immediately, he reaches out and catches a flailing, sinking Peter. As Jesus catches Peter, at the same time, he asks, “Why did you doubt?” Jesus is there to save Peter though Peter has lost his sight, perhaps even lost his faith. And, Jesus will be there again, every time that Peter calls out. He will be there even when Peter is silent. Jesus asks the question because he wants Peter to remember this.

Jesus knows that more storms are coming, with even stronger winds and mightier waves which will surely capsize the boat and threaten to destroy everything that is precious to the disciples. Jesus asks him why he doubts because, knowing what it means to be human, he knows that Peter’s faith will be put to the test again. He knows that Peter will lose sight of him. He knows the anguish Peter and his disciples will experience because of the cross, because of his death and seeming defeat. He wants them to remember that even when it seems that the storms of life have overtaken them and Jesus is no where in sight, even then, he is there, ready to catch them, always ready to save. He is holding on to us even when we can’t feel him anymore.

I don’t know about you, but most days I am really thankful that there are so many stories about Peter in the Bible, especially stories about his doubts and fears and stumbles and falls. Sometimes I can feel so discouraged because, despite the fact that at times I have caught a glimpse of the God’s steadfast love or I have witnessed God’s faithfulness, I still find myself sinking into the great sea, crying out, “Lord, save me.” I have known momentarily the peace of true faith but still, the storms that come from no where, the gnawing doubt and fear I have of the future and just what may come of my life, these things still threaten to undo me on some days. In my stumbles and falls, when my faith fades into the background and only my fear and doubt remain, I do find great comfort that God continues to love me, to reach out to me and catch me, to call me by name, into service and as a witness to the good news of this gospel. Just like Peter, the rock upon which our church was built. Peter, a limited human being, who failed to be there for Jesus in his most needy hour, who fell asleep in the garden and then who denied him three times. Nonetheless, it is Peter who is called upon by Jesus to spread this good news.

And it is also us. Us who doubt. Us who question. Us, who in one moment have courage and in the next fall flat, it is all of us who, like Peter, are called to feed sheep, called to share our love, called simply to remember just who is there and has been there all along to catch us when we fall. Faith doesn’t go away because our doubts and fears cloud our vision. Faith is not forgotten forever when it seems lost or broken. Faith is a part of us that we don’t forget no matter how much time has past, kind of like riding a bike. When we have learned it, when it has become imbedded in our hearts and minds, our falls can never erase it. Even years of setting it aside do not make it null. It is there because God is there. We may not always be able to see or feel God’s presence, but our inability to see or feel does not dictate God’s ability to keep a promise.

“Why do you doubt?” we are asked. “Remember, I am with you always, to the ends of the ages.” May it be so. Amen

*Posted with permisson from Ellie. I have not edited or changed her sermon in any way other than changing her name.

Patient Hope Revisited

Those who regularly read my blog may recall my post a few weeks ago about my chaplain friend's semon entitled Patient Hope.  I have recieved many interested comments about my post and her sermon so I asked my friend (who from here on out I will refer to as Ellie) and she agreed to send me the text of the sermon and to let me post it here for you.  Enjoy!

Rev. Ellie at Main Post Chapel

July 17, 2011

Romans 8:12-25

Patient Hope

Listen to these last two verses from Romans once more. “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

A couple weeks ago, a friend sent me a book entitled While There’re at War. The book’s author, Kristin Henderson, is the wife of a Navy chaplain. She gives an account of her own experience, waiting for her husband while he was deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq during the initial invasions early on in the wars. In addition to some of her own reflections as a military spouse, she follows the experiences of a group of women in Fayetteville who call themselves “the Hooah Wives.” Throughout their husband’s deployments, the Hooah Wives stick together, helping each other survive the months and months of loneliness and fear. The stories that she tells may sound familiar to many of us. From the good-bye scene on the Green Ramp, to nerve wracking hours of waiting for green suiters to knock on the door with earth shattering news, sleepless nights, anxious days, and always this distant hope that one day, their loved one will come home alive and well.

Preparing for this sermon and reading Paul’s letter to the Romans about creation suffering as it waits for restoration, my mind kept wandering back to that time period of waiting which many face when a loved one is deployed. Those who are left at home to wait approach this difficult season in a variety of ways, some healthy and some destructive. We have heard and seen and even experienced the ways that people cope with the stress of deployment. Working longer hours in order to stay busy or joining a faith community in order to find support and care during this vulnerable time are some of the more healthy coping mechanisms some spouses choose. On the opposite end of the spectrum, others may fall into addictions to alcohol or drugs or even extra-marital affairs. The book takes time to discuss each of these, not from a place of judgement but instead from a position of compassion. Waiting is one of the most difficult tasks we are ever called to do. It is not surprising that in the process of waiting, many of us stumble and sometimes even fall.

Unfortunately, seasons of waiting are not something that we can avoid, even when we try to run away from their clutches. How we wait, our posture while waiting, this might be worth exploring. I entitled my sermon “Patient Hope.” I did this much earlier in the week, and honestly, it was just the first thing that popped in my head when I read the scripture. I wasn’t even sure what I meant when I wrote it. But throughout the week, as I considered Patient Hope, an idea started to emerge. We all have to wait in one season or another, but it is how we wait that reveals our faithfulness. We can wait in hope or we can wait in dread. Both are among our available choices, yet how we wait determines the quality of our relationship with God and with one another.

For years, instead of living with Patient Hope, I lived with a kind of patient dread. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a seemingly happy person who enjoyed life and friends, but secretly, I was constantly waiting with dread. Much of my posture in waiting had to do with my brother who was diagnosed with mental illness and drug addiction while I was away at college. Four states were a great buffer between the reality of my brother’s illness and me. Yet, I lived daily with dread that as matters deteriorated more and more at home, I would one day get the call that someone had died, either my brother from overdose or tragic accident or one of my parents caught in the cross-fire of his rage and violence. The days between calls from home were spent in patient dread as I prepared myself for the worst. And, with my patient dread, came a kind of closing in. I folded my arms around my heart, putting up invisible walls which might protect me from any more heartbreak.

Living with patient dread makes sense sometimes. The reality of our situations may lend to this kind of protective posture. Replacing our dread with hope may seem nearly impossible. Most of us have known the sting of disappointment. We know the pain which accompanies all the kinds of hurt which we might face in our lives: the death of a spouse, breaches of trust because of infidelity or dishonest behavior, the tragic news of an illness, wanting to be a parent, but not being able to have children or having a child who faces sickness and even death. The list could go on. With all these possibilities, waiting with dread is not a surprising response to life’s events.  After all, the whole creation has been groaning. How and when will we be set free from this bondage to decay? How and when will we obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God?

The problem with dread is that it is a silent killer. It turns us in on ourselves. As we groan inwardly, as we protect ourselves from the pain, we also become insulated to the gifts of life which keep us healthy. The good gifts of love and friendship and joy and blessing, they have no way to penetrate our walls. Before we are aware, dread, and all that comes with it, become our expectation. We become stuck in this posture, and we don’t believe that there is any other way to live.

It’s easy for me to say that Patient Hope is the answer but it’s harder put it into practice when we are in the midst of life’s storms. But, when we read the good news, and we look at the cross, we see what waiting in hope really looks like. Jesus’ life and ministry was all about Patient Hope. As he waited to see and experience what the world would do with him, he did so with a posture of hope, arms always opened wide, welcoming the stranger, the little one, the sinner, even when arms wide open would risk his reputation, his family and friends and eventually his life. On my desk at home, I have a hand carved crucifix. A friend brought it to me when I was living in Cape Town. I must admit, it was a little off putting at first. The crown of thorns, the nails in his hands, the ravaged face and body hanging by mere threads of life. I didn’t know where to put it because I didn’t want to scare people who came over to visit me with this almost two foot depiction of Christ dying on the cross prominently displayed in my living room. We Protestants don’t spend a lot of our time in the presence of the crucifixion. Our crosses leave much to the imagination. This week, though, looking at Jesus on the cross, I couldn’t help but think that this was the ultimate statement of Patient Hope. No walls of protection, no attempt to avoid the pain or disappointment. Just arms wide open, waiting with hope that death would not have the final say.

Paul writes to the Romans, “But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But, if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” It feels like Paul is saying this... If it has come to easily. If it’s not a big deal. If you feel that you already have it, already understand it fully, then you have missed the boat altogether. For Paul, hope, resurrection hope, doesn’t come haphazardly. It is not something to throw around or put on display. Resurrection hope is so powerful that on some days, it brings us to our knees with tears that spring to our eyes as much from our pain as from our joy and gratitude. Resurrection hope is what I like to call a painful gift. It is something so wonderful that we have no choice but to accept and embrace it. But, with saying yes to the gift, we also say yes to the risks and the heartache which cannot be avoided when we have our arms wide open.

Living in Patient Hope transforms us from our inward groaning as we wait for God to restore us. Each day, each moment that we wait in hope, rather than wait in dread, we open our arms just a little more, moving toward the posture which Jesus has shown us in his life and death, which Jesus shows us even now. When we live in Patient hope, we witness that resurrection is not just something that happened thousands of years ago, but it is something that happens every day. From the dust and ashes of our broken lives, God breathes life anew. Even the oldest bones, the greatest chasm, the deepest hurt, the darkest night are not beyond God’s restoration. Just because we can’t see or conceive of it, doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible through God’s grace and love.

It’s hard to wait in hope for something that we can’t see. It’s hard, on this journey of life, to hope when we don’t know all the dangers we may meet upon the road... will we hurt or feel alone, will we live life to its fullest, or will we have regrets? Even when we don’t know all the details, we do know the end of the story. We know what we have been promised.. restoration and fullness.. and we also know that God has promised to be there with us.

We follow a savior who has his arms wide open. All we need to do to remember this is look  at the cross. Jesus lived with patient hope, arms ready to embrace the muck and mess instead of push it all away. It cost him his life, yet that was not his end. Nor is it ours. Through Christ, with Christ, and in Christ, we wait with Patient Hope. May it be so, today, tomorrow, and always. Amen.

*Posted with permisson from Ellie.  I have not edited or changed her sermon in any way other than changing her name.

This Week's Recap

I had a lot of fun this week even though I was sans hubby.  I didn't have a chance to blog about a lot of it so I thought I would do a quick weekly recap.

Tuesday I had lunch with a new friend.  We had a great time chatting and getting to know each other.  It was nice to go out even if it was just for a couple of hours. 

Thursday I went with another friend to see Captain America.  The movie didn't technically come out until  midnight on Friday but the theater was doing a special fundraiser event to support the USO.  Being a military wife of course I wanted to support the USO and getting to see the movie was just an added bonus.  The movie was awesome.  I highly recommend it and am looking forward to seeing it a second time when it comes out on DVD.  In fact, this is one that I wouldn't mind owning.  I was so excited to talk to Hubby about the movie but it hasn't come out where he is yet so I have to wait until he can see it next week.  Not only was the movie great but it was also great to get out and laugh with friends and to go out to a movie even though my hubby wasn't with me.  Granted I did really miss him.  It just didn't feel the same going to a movie without him since this is one of the things that we really enjoy going to do together but I am still glad that I was able to go.

Friday was Skype date night with Hubby.  Even though we aren't physically together it is still nice to be able to spend some time together on the web cam even if we are just chatting about mundane stuff.  Friday night for me is Saturday night for him because of the time difference so that is why we are able to talk longer on Friday nights.  He makes an effort to talk to me nightly but we get to talk longer when he doesn't have to leave for work. 

That brings us to yesterday which I already blogged about (see post about Cupcakes and Company.)  We had a lot of fun.

This morning I attended a church that I had never been to, to see my chaplain friend speak.  This church incorporated a lot of modern music into the service which was fun and different for a change.  I enjoyed it and went home feeling energized.  I always feel a little awkward going to a new place though.  I always feel out of place.  I hope it didn't show too badly.   My friend spoke on the Book of Ruth and about the idea of the Hebrew word "Hesed" ( I think that is how you spell it) which cannot be defined by one word in English but which essentially is a very deep kind of loyalty and love.  It was a great sermon and kind of made me miss Hubby more but I know that I will get to talk to him again tonight.  Sill working on the patience thing.

All in all it has been a great week.  I hope that this week is just as good :)

Patient Hope

Last Sunday I went to the church on post where Hubby and I were married and got to hear one of my new friends (who happens to be an Army chaplain) speak.  She gave this wonderful sermon titled "Patient Hope."  It was a really great sermon all about how difficult waiting is.  Maybe this spoke to me in particular because I am in the process of waiting on someone but nonetheless in some ways I felt like it was meant for me to hear. 

My friend, the chaplain, spoke about choosing to wait in positive ways versus negative ones and it made me think about my own ways of coping.  She talked about how some cope by keeping busier at work (a positive method) and spending time with friends and how some choose drugs and alcohol.  After reflecting I think that my coping strategies are pretty good ones but it is still hard sometimes.   I wish I had a copy of what she said so that I could post it here for all of you.

I love the idea/phrase of patient hope.  The idea of hope itself is a concept that I want to embrace.  Hope means that there is a light at the end of the tunnel regardless of how dark or long it may be.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and that everything works itself out eventually as long as you try to help yourself along the way and keep faith that God will help you.  It isn't always easy to see at the time but in hindsight I think that this has happened many times in my life. 

I know that God has a plan and I sometimes have to remind myself to get out of my own way.  I would like to further explore this idea of hope especially where the Bible talks about it.  I wish my bible had a table of contents by subject.  I'm not even sure where to look.  All week I have been thinking about the "patient hope" concept.  I have decided that I am going to try harder to be more "patient" in my waiting but I have to admit... patience is NOT always my strong suit.  

Tomorrow I get to hear my friend speak again.  I can't wait to hear what she talks about this time!